Big things are coming...

When your kids are  toddlers or even elementary school age you can't imagine this little human growing up and taking on the world. My kids never cease to amaze me at the obstacles they face head on and challenges they over come. But they are dreamers and I love seeing their dreams come to life.

It is time for another kiddo to choose their course in life. College? Mission? Job? Alex toured UVU over spring break and a school that hadn't even been on his radar became the school he knew he was suppose to be at. Late application submitted, acceptance letter received and as of last night Housing needed to be found. The benefits of having a Brother at a neighboring school living in apartments that he could also live in is a huge blessing. Cole called him letting him know he had someone selling his contract for Fall/Winter terms.

Perfect! Housing contract in the same apartments as his brother.. OR was it? As I started to talk to Alex last night to get online to fill out the housing application and secure the contract he started back pedaling. Umm, I don't know..
What do you not know? 

Well, that is a lot of money for that school. I could go to Texas Tech for less.

 How much less?

 I don't know..

 Are you having second thoughts about going to the school?

 I don't know..

I just couldn't get him to commit. I couldn't get him to let me in on his feelings whether it was nerves or what.

I text Cole--- Houston we have an issue...

After Scripture and prayer Big brother called via face time...

What's up?

Nothing..

Dude why won't you fill it out?

I'm not sure

I pop in and remind him that he said God had answered his prayer.

He states well I prayed but he didn't say GO THERE>> 

So what was the answer.

I felt like I needed to be at that school.

So isn't that God telling you that you need to be there.?

<pause>

He visited more with his brother over facetime and it appeared the nerves went away some. After the call he got on his computer and filled out the housing application..

Oh my, how can he be the age to move away? I don't know if I am ready. Sebastian states he isn't ready for his best friend to move away. Not sure I am ready to send one more off into the world.

I know he will be in good hands. Cole also reminded him that if he ran out of food money he would feed him. lol He states they are never without food in their apartment.

Even bigger week for this Senior of mine. Today he will be featured on the School district radio station in an interview about his music. And tomorrow he competes in Area Track meet. He runs the 110 hurdles and 300 hurdles. Such a big week and in a little over a month he will be a High School Graduate. Can I just pause time...

MAN I LOVE THIS KID!

Who is in control?

 I am sure my kids are wondering who took over their once composed halfway sane mother. The craziness of life have woken up this crazy emotional , sometimes irrational person. I can see them having this secret sibling text message that says... What the heck is up with MOM? Is she PMSing? Who upset her this time?  Oh the messages they must be writting. I promise I am sane; well most of the time. No mother is always SANE. It appears that life got the best of me and my emotions. But no worries I am getting them back in check. For my kids sake hopefully sooner vs. later.

I decided I needed to just talk to them. As a single mom we have always had very open conversations. I remember having a family meeting and giving each one of them a piece of paper and pen and told them to write down how much it cost to run the house. It was quite interesting. At the time their ages ranged from 9-16. It helped them understand the importance of living in our means but also the reality of wants and needs. I decided to have a reality check discussion with Alex and Sebastian as well. ( Eve wasn't home) But instead of money we talked about expectations of life and truly living the Gospel and being good people. Along with my crazy stress level and for them to know I have not completely lost it.

 I forgot how just how grown up my kids are.  I started  hearing their  rational discussion. Speaking better than most adults. Myself included. They are well spoken and I hear these clear well thought out ideas coming from their mouths and I have to take a double take. Where did my child go?

It is no secret that our lives have become quite stressed. Of course, my kids have seen this reality more than they should. Combine the stress with the emotions that go with sending a kid on a mission and well lets just say I am a mess at times. Okay most of the times.

I realize part of the stress was not wanting to let go. I have had a realization that I need to be more willing to let go of my kids. It seems a bit harder for my younger 2 kids. They are my babies. They shouldn't be a Senior and Junior in high school. As we talked about life and making good choices I realized just how grown up they are.

Time appears to rushing faster and faster with every day. I want to turn back time, for a time when they still wanted to snuggle up next to you on the couch and watch movies. Now their 6'3 bodies stretch the length of the couch and then some. Their little faces are now turning into hairy faces that are ready to conquer the world and see what it has to offer them.

It made my heart smile when I listened to Alex talk last night.  He is figuring life out.  Especially,  his spiritual side of life. Seeing his truly happy spirit as he talked about figuring things out. Oh how that made me thankful for a truly loving Heavenly Father that answered prayers to help him find his peace.

As you see this true happiness in your kids you realize you aren't in control. GOD IS!