Dealing with split holidays

I don't know if I ever get used to this whole divorce thing on Christmas or Thanksgiving. More Christmas I think. I just want to spend all day with my kids playing games, watching movies or whatever our fancy..

We started along time ago where I would just let the kids split the day between myself and Ram on the holidays. I didn't want them to feel deprived but also I hoped he would do the same on his holidays and I wouldn't be left not having them either. So last year Christmas was a mess. He wasn't very nice to me or some of the kids. And 3 kids stayed with me for Christmas and 2 went with him even though it was his year. But then threw a fit about wanting the kids all night too. So with Thanksgiving and Christmas this year in the back of my head I thought hmm I could act like him they are mine for the holidays. But I knew better. It wasn't fair to the kids and it would so backfire on me next year. Thanksgiving he didn't even ask for the kids to come over. I am not sure he even mentioned it to them. He was newly married and I am not sure if that is why or not.

The nice thing about our family traditions if we do most of our stuff on Christmas Eve so splitting the day isn't too bad other then not seeing them. Eve for some reason this year was so worried about when they were going to go. Especially when it snowed about not being able to go if it was still ice on the roads. I explained if there was we wouldn't go. If he wanted to come here that was fine. But I knew the roads would clear it's Texas right.. Every year I help them get gifts for him and his parents and Aunts and Uncles. Ok this is me being just pathetic but does he even appreciate it I don't know. I have been doing this for 10 years now. Never said a word. The kids have said things about me giving them money to buy my gifts and I give them money to buy his too. Why doesn't he give them money to buy my gifts? That I can't answer. My dad used to give us money after they first divorced if I remember right to buy my mom something.

I know I am rambling on..just some things to get off my chest. So for some reason this year is harder I don't know why. I signed up to work tonight at 11pm. Thought I could spend more time with them during the day and he could have them all night. However that didn't work. So we opened Santa early this morning.

Did you know kids were texting each other about getting up at 4:30 this morning. These are teenagers that were saying hey are you up opening presents? Malcolm, Alex, and Sebastian were ready at 5:30. I said no 6 am is the earliest. Don't you know at that time on the dot they were in my room with all their cell phones lit up to light up the room. Eve was in my bed sleeping too and she was turn it off. I simply said hey pull the covers over your head like me.. That however didn't last very long so up we went.

I was really concerned about Malcolm and Cole's things they got from Santa especially Malcolm. There wasn't a whole lot there. They both new that theirs wasn't going to be a lot. Since money was tight I explained that I needed to do more for the little ones. They were both troopers. If they didn't like it they covered up well. But as I watched Malcolm I could kinda see his face. I knew it bothered him a little. His collection of items was cologne, a xbox game, art kit,basketball, book light, book, and a cd. So nothing too big. It really broke my heart. And he was so good never letting on any disapointment. But he has this way of hitting his foot I can't explain it I have seen it enough. Cole was a little better I found an mp3 player, art set, watch,book, Scrabble game, and a cd. The rest of the kids did pretty good. Eve is into being real girly so believe it or not it's cheaper to shop for a teenage girl than a teenage boy. Make-up, straighten iron, game, book, her own nerf gun, perfume. I think all her stuff cost less then what I spent on Cole or Malcolm.

Since we woke up so early we finished opening gifts early. It was still dark when we finished. Yeah no kidding...Sebastian wanted to go ride his scooter he got in the dark and snow and ice. Was not happy when I veto that idea. He had to settle for playing a board game instead. They did go out and spend some time in the snow playing on sleds. Finally being put to good use in stead of sitting in the attic. You can tell who likes the cold and who doesn't though. Eve and Alex are so not cold weather people especially when you are getting wet. I made French toast for breakfast usually it is pancakes but I forgot to make sure there was enough mix..oops! More games were played and then off to see Alvin and the chipmunks the sequal(sp). It was a cute movie. They all absolutely loved it. After that I took them on over to their granny and popo (their dad's parents house). I drove around debated on seeing another movie but nothing I really wanted to see. So home I went.

I will pick them up in 4 more hours now. I have to say I am so thankful for just having the children I do. Even if I have to share them on the holidays. They are amazing kids. They do get on my nerves from time to time but how blessed I am to have them. I know as much as I don't like the situation I am better off then alot of other people with visitations around the holidays. I have someone at work that I saw on Tuesday morning that found out Monday from a judge in New York that her ex would be there to pick up her son on Wednesday and would get him for the holidays. Her little boy is 6 years old. She was so scared because of his family connections to the mafia out there and his relatives that live in Italy that she may never see her son again. She was in tears. So all things considering this is not bad. Just lonely at times. I guess you get used to having a house full of noise that when it is quiet it is weird and hard at times. I need my breaks from my kids at times but too much silence stinks!

I should be getting list together for Malcolm's and Cole's camps they are going to. Malcolm is going to mountain man and Cole is going to his first pole vaulting camp. They are both excited. I think Cole is a little nervous. It is a sleep over camp in Fort Worth where all they will be doing is working on pole vaulting and the skills for it. Still not sure what all either boy needs to bring other than Malcolm needs lots of warm clothes.

Ok enough of the pity party for me.. I have plenty I need to do around the house I guess I need to get busy.

White Christmas!

 

A little blury taken by Alex.. Snow covered Cole.. He is so in his glory!! Have a Merry White Texas Christmas!

checking my list again!!

Why is it no matter how hard Santa tries. Things always end up uneven with someone... Made the list, check them twice and three times and more...checked all my hiding places, closets,garage, cars, siblings houses etc. Too late to do anything now. Praying that everyone is happy it is what they asked for right?

Christmas Eve!

How often do you see Snow in Texas let alone have a white Christmas.. Yes in Texas. Arlington Texas! Crazy huh... Yesterday we heard rumors of rain turning into snow. But never in our wildest dreams and oh do we have dreams about snow real snow coming to see us here.

The kids and I got out early to finish up shopping they needed to shop for me and I needed to grocery shop. We were home by 11:30 and by noon it was snowing. Really hard. It was wonderful. But we got out in it. And talked about how yesterday was 70's. Which was wonderful too. And it probably wouldn't stick. It snowed for hours still nothing stuck. Then all of a sudden the temps dropped and it began to stick. The kids were loving it. They put it in baggies to save the wonderfulness. Malcolm and Cole brought a handful to me to tell me that it was real like in Ruidoso,New Mexico in the mountains. haha But then all of a sudden the weather men talked blizzard conditions in Texas. Can you believe that. The wind was blowing you could hear it outside. I was by our dining room window and could see the wind blowing the snow above the fence and blowing down the street like a truck going by. We got into the Christmas eve rituals tonight and every once in a while the kids would say something as they came in from outside or look at the window where more was falling.

Now it is 8:30 at night and it has snowed most of the day. We now have about 4 inches in our backyard. Can you believe it. I just want to squeelll.... I love it. More the looks of it not so much the cold of it. Today I was told by my dad that we broke the snowfall total for Christmas Eve in the metroplex. When it hit 8/10 of inch. Now we are at 4. Wow!!! I have had patients talk about the old timers saying it is going to be a very cold nasty winter.... I had thought the same thing. We now have had snow 2 times this month. And this time it will stay overnight.. Suppose to be 0 degrees with the windchill in the morning. Yikes!

Today we were talking about our Christmas traditions. I really was curious if they pay attention to them or not. So here is the list
1. Open gifts on Christmas Eve
2. Christmas orange and story
3. New pajamas for christmas
4. Caroling
5. Making sweets
6. looking at lights
7. Hot chocolate when we look at lights
8. Watching the Christmas Story ( you'll shoot your eye out)
9. Drawing names between siblings.
10. me taking them to shop for me and letting them loose in the store.
11. Watching lots of Christmas movies.

Well we were headed home when they made their list of the traditions. And of course one of them sent me back to the store... See I asked my older kids if they wanted pj's or if they would wear them. They said no. But today in the car they were talking about getting them. I had bought Alex and Sebastian's pj's not theirs.So off to the store I ran took in Alex and Sebastian and left the others in the car. It was a mad house in there. But mission accomplished.. And they all loved them.. thank heavens

This year we have been very blessed. Many blessing family and health. Now the snow is just an extra gift they see God gave them this year..


Cole and Sebastian are still playing in the snow. The puppy absolutely loves it. He keeps running to the door to go out and comes back in with a face full of snow and and covered in it. He got a doggy bed just his size the kids set it up on the couch and he is currently sitting in it head on the edge watching the Christmas Story with me. I have to say the kids have absolutely surprised me. I never really tell them what I want cause there isn't necessarily anything. But this year I found a couple of things I wanted. And don't you know they got me all of them. One with the help of my mom who took Cole and Eve shopping for me. I got an amazing 4 slice toaster since ours was on it's last leg.. Literally... A electric can opener I fell in love with that has special openers attached. Chocolate, measuring cups, measuring spoons, and of course a sprite... Do my kids know me or what. One last thing... I absolutely hate I mean HATE ironing.. but I found one of those steam irons that is a wand you know you leave it on the hanger. It even will put a crease it in. AHHHH!!! SO COOL!.
I think I might be able to actually get the kids to iron too.:))))So the kids got me this too. I almost forgot Sebastian was so proud of his gift to me. He used all his money from allowances and bought me something from his christmas store at school. He gave me a beautiful tennis bracelet.

I do have to say tonight has been awesome. I finished their blankets that I was making. And they all love them.. We decided our Christmas this year was going to be a homemade Christmas. As far as my gifts to them and their gifts to each other. I let them loose to use whatever they could find in the house or garage and make something.
Cole found a bench that wasn't put together and and spray painted it and fixed it to work for Sebastian who was in Heaven.. Alex, Sebastian and Eve made paintings on Canvas. They were so funny about how proud they were of what they did.I made the blankets as my part. I think they were more excited over those gifts then anything.
Malcolm made Eve a coupon book of things for her. Time on his xbox, music lessons on the piano, and tutoring. Eve just squeeled and laughed. You should have seen her face. LOVED IT! I think this maybe a new tradition for our family.

Well, time to close up and gather kids for the Christmas story from Luke.Love to all. My heart is definately full of love and gratitude for all I have and all the Savior has done for us.

Merry Christmas!!!

Soon I will post the wonderful pictures of today..

Success...

Alex Party was a success! He had 6 boys the ages of 10 and 11 years old. I have to say I was not sure what to expect. The last couple of years we have had issues with some of the kids that came. So this year we decided we wouldn't invite them. That is hard with them being his friends. But he decided he wanted a party without the issues from the past.

I have to say I am so impressed with these boys that came over. I should have gotten a picture of the kids. There was Drew, Harold, Asa, Jared, Bailey, and Alex. We had homemade pizza, cake and Ice cream and sodas and chips for snacking. As they were getting their pizza one of the kids asked if the cake was homemade. I said yes.. He's man you are a good cook. I love homemade stuff. Made me wonder if his mom cooked or not. But man I was so happy to find that all of these boys are so well mannered. I can't believe how well they behaved. As things would get intense about something they would work it out within themselves and all was fine. Yes maam, Thank you etc. all night long. It was amazing.... Lots of nerf gun fights, football, Allies and Axis. Some xbox 360. Lots of fun..Staying up till 2am. What beats that?

I think it helped to have Sebastian gone to Aunt Tracy's house to play with Jeffrey too. It gave Alex time to himself without a younger sibling around.

Only 2 kids left and still have food in my house. WOW. I end up with nothing when I even have all the nieces and nephews over they eat me out of house and home with my own kids. Which what are sleep overs for..

Now to get ready for our family Christmas party..

More pictures from Thanksgiving.

All these pictures are courtesy of my Dad. Thanks dad it wouldn't be a family function without your camera...
These are just some pictures for memories later. I love having family gatherings at my house. Thanksgiving was good. Lots of fun. Thanks everyone for coming over and making it great..sorry some are small and some not. hmm I guess I better pay better attention.

Is it really Christmas already?

Christmas Day is a week away! I can not believe it.. This year something is different. Maybe it's because I actually finished my shopping early. Maybe it's because we bought our tree later. Something is different... I wish I could put my finger on it. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. Presents under the tree. Plans made for Christmas to do with the kids.. Could it be that the snow a couple of weeks ago actually felt more like Christmas then instead of now.

Alex celebrates his birthday with his friends tonight with a sleepover. Cake is in the oven. And all the preparations to make homemade pizza is ready to go. I still can't believe he is 11 years old. In a year he will be in young men.. no freakin way! That would mean Sebastian would be right behind him...I am so not ready for this.

My mom was watching my Niece Ashlyn last night and I thought I had to work so she ended up back at our house. It was quite amusing to all the kids and myself. She would go play with the kids then come and find me.. Up up...raising her hands. So I cooked with her on my hip..Which I haven't done is so long. I have to give it to those doing it now. I often hear those young mom's say about how they don't know how I do the busy schedule of teenagers and the 5 kids. But I so would do it over trying to take a toddler around again. Not that I didn't love having Ashlyn around I just realized how much more complicated life would be. The kids however decided I needed to have another child so they could play with them like Ashlyn. I think they forgot diapers, naps, babysitting for mom etc...

We went to pick up the Christmas tree and as the kids got in the car My daughter yelled out to the woman that helped us pick out our tree. I LOVE YOU! This lady was so touched she started laughing and said I love you too. (reminded me of the game kidd kraddock plays on people) she walked to the car and said all her kids were grown and gone and that she only sees them about once a year and that she doesn't hear that very often.. Eve now decided she needs to get her something for Christmas. My daughter has a big heart. To bad she doesn't have a big wallet to go with it.

Time is ticking cake out of the oven time to go pick up kids..

I sent Sebastian with my mom to Tracy's house to spend the next couple of days with Jeffrey. Why does it still pull at my heart strings when I send him off. It's just to my sisters..

Dinner, Dessert, Charlie Brown tree

Dinner, Dessert, Christmas tree hunting, and a homeless cat.... This was our night tonight. I decided I was going to invite Ram and his new wife to Alex's birthday dinner at Applebee's. Dinner went ok. She is nice he is still the same...
So after dinner we went looking for a Charlie Brown tree... We decided on this because of one our budget but also Malcolm played this music in the Band Christmas concert and I bought the Charlie Brown Christmas piano book for Sebastian and anyone else that wants to play it. I have to say it is also one way to make me feel better for not being able to get anything better.

So the tree hunting. I check out some place first to make sure I could afford the tree. Then we went back tonight. The went straight for the giant 12 foot trees... uh kids.. the Charlie brown tree? So they found what Cole called a chug butt! Short and fat. Shorter than I thought we would end up with. They said it was 5 feet that is if you take into account of the the stem that stood straight up for the angel. You know what I mean right? Until they went to put it up and bent that part. So maybe 4 foot. That is pushing it... As we were trying to get it in the stand I started to notice the bugs on it... Yes BUGS! Green ones spiders.... So I had the older boys take it out and shake it... Finally got it situated and wow it looks so sad!lol

When we first got home there was a cat standing in our walk. Now it is COLD very Cold tonight. SO the first thing Eve does is pick up this stray cat. EVE put it down... But it is cold and why? Tried to explain to her we can't keep it and don't feed it because it won't go away if you do... We go in and the cat quickly sits on our porch and starts to cry.... So then Sebastian starts to cry.. "I love animals and don't want to see it out there." I love animals too Sebastian but we already have 2 cats and a dog. Sebastian continues to cry and tell me that he doesn't believe that I like animals. Here it goes..So this last for about 45 minutes. The whole time I am trying to explain that Heavenly father will take care of the cat. I don't hear it outside so I say see look. Only to open the door to the cat sitting there. Great.. So what do you do with this situation? Of course we get the food and some water we take it outside around by the garage to feed it. The poor thing was starving.. I think I may have just bought me a stray cat. I refuse to bring it in. But we maybe getting an outdoor one. YEAH ME!


After we fed it Sebastian was just fine... GO figure.
With all said and done Dinner went well I think it will just be the beginning of combining our family activities for the kids. I want them to know as they grow up and get married they don't have to worry about the divorce situation. As soon as I can figure my phone out I will post a picture on here of our great tree.

Happy Birthday ALEX!

Almost 11 years ago to the time I received a new blessing from Heavenly Father. My Alex was born. It seems so unreal that he is that old. I still look at him and wonder how and where the time went. How did this little guy turn into a big kid?
So since today is Alex's birthday I want to share with the world why he is such a great kid and how much I love having him for my son.
Alex never ceases to amaze me of his talents in sports.
He is such a sweet and loving kid.
He always has a hug for those he knows.
He loves to make friends and hates to see others left out.
When I look at him in those deep brown eyes you see that little mind just running the brains he has in his head I am in awe. He just absorbs and says nothing until it he needs that info and what do you know he pulls it out of his hat and can tell you the answer to those long unknown questions.

Alex is quiet, and a thinker loves life and I love him and all he has brought into my life.
At church a couple of weeks ago there is a little boy that came up to him and asked if he had hurt his head because of his birth mark on his forehead. Alex smiles and says no it's a birthmark and the little boy says what is it. Most kids this would have bothered them but not him. A couple of days later the little boy comes over with his mom to visit teach and all he is doing is asking for Alex. This is the kind of kid he is.

Happy birthday my little one! I love you.

quick update

It's really only been a couple of weeks since I wrote last. But a whole lot has happened. Christmas is in the air around here and last minute things with school projects and shopping, concerts all before the holiday break.

I feel like I have ran non-stop since I posted last. Work is picking up thank goodness I am actually getting a little overtime this last week. Last week Malcolm, Sebastian and Eve all had concerts. Eve and Sebastian's were the same night same time. How in the world do you do that. I asked Mom to go to Eve's with Cole and I took Malcolm and Alex to Sebastian's concert. What Eve didn't tell me was that she had a special part in the concert singing with 3 other girls.

Sebastian's Music teacher is one of those music teachers we all would love to have our kids have. He planned this music at the beginning of the school year. He made CD's for all the 4th graders who were putting it on. And they practiced for it all the time. Sebastian loved it he would turn on his cd and sing and sing. The night of the concert the kids are walked out on the stage and he welcomes us for the night. Then everyone says the pledge of allegience. The kids sing the national anthem then the Texas anthem. The director stands up and says he would like to have a student give a special presentation. For everyone to listen carefully and be quiet. So the little boy starts to read from Luke. Yes the bible. He reads the Christmas story and then prays. I haven't seen parents or an audience like this one. The crowd loudly says AMEN! The last school we were at someone would have thrown a big fit about it not being politically correct. It was nice very nice to see this at school. They sang their program which was wonderful. When it was over we ran out the door knowing that Eve's choir had just started singing. Can we make it?
We got there parked and literally ran into the building where she was singing. They were announcing who had made all region. We had missed her choir and then I noticed in the program we missed her special part she was singing. MAN! They did one more number with both choirs so I saw one song.

I tried not to be to disappointed or at least show it. I didn't want Sebastian to think I didn't want to be there. But I was almost in tears wishing I could have been in both places. I am sure it won't be the last concert Eve will be singing a special number. If only I could be magically in two places at once.

The first time in a long time I finished my Christmas shopping early. I finished last Friday. I can't believe it. But what I had left Stephanie and I decided to go get it done. Or I should say I decided to drag my sister with me. But I figured she would keep me focused to get it done and stay on budget. We did it with money to spare so what else do you do.... Go to lunch!


So here lately with the non-stop running and my work schedule things get a little intense around the house at times. I went to work and came home the next morning to find the den in a not so good place. The kids had all gone to school my mom informed me that Cole had been busy cleaning out the laundry room and doing laundry which would explain the clean laundry on both couches and the chair. Do you know he was doing something nice for me yet he apologized leaving the den a mess. He then came in from school that day while I was gone he started doing the dishes and finishing up what he started the night before. Can I just say I was so thrilled and felt like crying. It was so sweet of him to do this.

I have been very blessed with my kids. They have their moments but then they have these times when they surprise me they know I am stressed or am super busy and they will do things like this. How lucky am I....

Thanksgiving and more!!!!

Thanksgiving this year was at our house. We were missing a Tracy and her family and Taylor and his family. I think ending count was 20 with Stephanie and a couple of girls joining us after they ate at their house.
In years past because of the amount of people we always opted for eating where ever we could find seats. This year I decided we needed to try something different to keep close to each other to talk. So I pulled out all the tables and chairs from the house and storage and we used the hockey table to serve the food. You would be surprised how well the hockey table works for food.
We managed to find seating for 20 people around tables. We started a new tradition this year that everyone went around and said what they were thankful for. We started with the teenager table.. Haha... trying to get anyone serious in this family.. So they started out with coke...etc. Then it came to Dalton and he said Jesus... Then Eve Heavenly Father..( dalton was like you one better than me.)They younger ones took it more to heart. It was nice.

Lots of pictures thanks to Dad. Can't wait to see them. After Adam and his family left, and Dad and Kim left us girls decided to join in with Rock band the kids were playing. I had never played Rock band before. We had a blast. Stephanie, Michelle and I and the kids standing behind us singing.... Then we added mom. By the nights end the kids were so excited with the day. Eve was walking around announcing to everyone that she had the best family ever... I guess we just need to add rock band for the adults to all the family events and it will be a success.

Who knew!

I didn't hit the Black Friday early morning events super early. Ran around 7 to Walmart. Then came home an shampooed the downstairs carpet. Crazy I know but I so didn't want to put up Christmas decorations without doing that. Michelle and Stephanie came and rescued me and we went shopping. Amazing enough I have quite a bit done. YES! The one thing I was having problems with Michelle found for me late yesterday. Evidently someone decided since the economy was getting bad not to furnish as many of the toys that the kids were asking for and just up the prices. hmmm who was so smart to decide that? So the items I knew they absolutely wanted I have grabbed over the last couple of paydays. Just to make sure I had it.

This year Christmas will be different we are making alot of the gifts. The kids are making the gifts for each other they can buy supplies but have to make the rest. So my main gift to the kids will be made also. I just have to find the time to get it together without the kids home..

Now to go decorate before going to work! I am so excited. I love this season....

Arrow of Light!

Alex received his Arrow of light this week. Congrats Alex you worked very hard. I am very proud of you.

Family 1st camping trip!

I thought I was posting more than one picture the last post. I have been trying for some time to get away with the kids. You know I was having that itch to have a road trip. I love road trips and luckily so do my kids.

So I packed up the car and the kids and headed for Meridian State Park. We initially planned on being there 2 days but I had to cut it short. Good thing Migraine on the day we should have left but that is another story.We left Monday morning which also happened to be Eve's birthday. This trip was to help her celebrate turning 13. Oh yes she is officially a teenager god love her. The drive down was really good. It was only about 2 hours. We got there set up tents and went for a hike.

Now I can hike with the best of them. But I kept replaying the last time we went to Dinosaur Valley and I slipped on the slimmy rocks and fell on my butt. SPLAT! So I was a little hesitent on the rocky terrain. And the hills were steep. Cole decided he was leading the group I guess forgetting he had his mom and sister joining him. He took us down the steepest hill. I was last to go down. So I watched as they all went down and realized they all grabbed at something. Alex decided he needed to wait for me. As I came down the hill I kept hold of a branch and sure enough the slick mud and steep hill tried to get me but I won this time. He yelled at his brothers for leaving and they quickly came back. But I was down the hill by now.

Then came the river. They wanted to jump rocks. Yeah ok. I was thinking about the two younger boys and could see them falling and being wet from head to toe. Several of them do this and get over. In fact all of them. I said no way jose I would surely fall. So Malcolm and Cole tell me to go down river a bit. Then they tell me to climb on a log going across the river. You know how you see in the movies the people stradling across the log. Yeah that was what is in my head at that moment. Cole jumps back across and says no like this. Hops up sits on the log and scoots. YEAH Whatever! I veto that and go back up stream and found an easier route. After our hike the river (yes I crossed it several times.Before we found leeches in the water. YUCK!)We went back to camp.

Malcolm showed off his fire starting capabilities. When we were leaving the house he was looking for steel wool so he could really show us how to start a fire. I was just use matches. He thought Eve and I needed to know how. I explained we do that at camp. He was shocked. We had a good time sitting by the fire, talking, roasting hot dogs and making smores.

When it got dark they played capture the flag. Call me crazy I sat out and watched. I wasn't sure about running in the dark with big rocks all around. I could have ended up like Cole who ran into the fire pit with his legs. They enjoyed themselves without me.

When it was time for bed or at least to go into tents the 4 older ones had picked the bigger tent and Sebastian and I were in the smaller one. How that happened I wasn't sure. But none the less Alex was complaining about being squashed. So he moved to our tent. Yeah we were in a 2-3 man tent. We tried it for awhile. What I found out is if your clostophobic that tent just doesn't work. After a card game and I laid down. I yelled to the other tent. This isn't working. Lets join together. These tents we borrowed from my sister Stephanie were soooo cool. They joined. You actually zipped them together or apart. How cool is that. So we unstaked the tent and moved it together. We stayed in our confines of the little tent squashed but it worked. Plus I have to admit I felt safer having all my kids in one tent. My boys laughed about that one. Hey what can I say. The site was on the side of the park that was a little close to the highway. So close that through the layer of trees (thin) you had a barbed wire fence about kneed high and the highway right there. Ok I admit it. That freaked me out.

After everyone went off to sleep I laid there listening to the trucks and the other noises. You would have thought I was a kid imagining all the sounds and what they were. Racoon, Bear? The boys had hung the rain tarp for the tent up to dry and it was flapping in the wind that sounded like someone was hitting the tent. Then the wind picked up alot. Right off the river we got a good little breeze. About 1:30 Sebastian says mom my stomach hurts...
me: Are you going to be sick?
Sebastian: I don't know. I have to pee.
me;Can you hold it? (stupid question)
sebastian: I guess.
A few minutes later I tell him to put his shoes on and we will pee in the woods.
I cheated we opened up the tent stepped about 20 feet away and he did his business. He was cold at that point so we put in his sleeping bag with a sweatshirt and more clothes on and off to sleep I thought we would go.
Sebastian: mom I am scared...
Me: why
Sebastian: all the noises.
Me;come lay closer and it will be ok. (I sure was hoping.)

He eventually fell a sleep and I laid there in the dark thinking...Some time I fell asleep.The wind really picked up and I could hear it blowing sounded like a rain storm coming. I tried to wake up Malcolm and Cole I sure didn't want to go into the dark by myself to retrieve the rain flap. Eve tried hitting the boys. Cole woke up said he would just get wet. Malcolm what I later found out just ignored us. Thanks boys. Then all of a sudden Eve took charge. Stood up open the tent and before I knew it grabbed the flap and was putting it on. So sebastian and I were helping to put it on. She was saying I can't believe they are too lazy to get up and I don't know what I am doing and I am doing it. I was impressed.

About 4:30 or so I hear Alex moving around.
Me: what's wrong?
Alex: I am cold!
Me: So am I and I have to go to the bathroom. Do you need to go?
Alex: Yeah
We sat up and I notice the silly kid had taken off his shirt. Hello of course your cold. We dressed him better and got into the car to drive to the bathrooms. Sorry folks I am not doing my business in the woods.

When we got back to the tent I gathered all the extra coats, blankets etc to help him get warm. And we climbed back in our sleeping bags. Might I say the ground and I are not friends. Next time I will bring the air mattress. Yes, I know I am a wimp.

Morning came. Still cold. Very Cold. But it was nice. Malcolm got up to start the fire and read his book. I stayed in the tent for a while with Eve and Cole. We eventually got up ate and packed the site up.

We enjoyed our get away.
On the way home I did make a short stop well not so short for the kids. Found a great Antique shop and Christmas store.

Today being Thanksgiving when I am writing this I am so grateful for my kids. They teach me so much. I love the new adventures they push me to experience. I am really enjoying watching the grow up. Sometimes I think they are growing up too fast. But you can't stop them. I am thankful for their health. Their laughter and the opportunity to raise them. It is never a dull moment. I have truly been blessed.

camping in Meridian

 

Great week

In all my years of multi-tasking I have never quite had a night like tonight. I have been cleaning, eating lunch with Alex and Sebastian. Arranging getting a tent for Alex to sleep in the backyard tonight to finish his Arrow of light. And then I started dinner. Put on some eggs to boil for dinner. Stephanie calls and tells me I can come on to get the tent instead of waiting since it may rain. So I jump in the car with all the boys to go to my sisters house.
I was probably gone 30 to 40 minutes. When Stephanie calls me to ask what I am cooking for dinner. It it me like a ton of bricks. I left the eggs boiling. All I could think about is I was burning the house down... I couldn't get home fast enough.

We walked in to a house full of smoke. The eggs were exploded on the cabinet,ceiling, and floor. It was a mess. But no fire. Man I was relieved. Cole was so sweet to help me clean up the floor.

So now we don't have the smell of eggs in the house just smokey.

Now I sit and listen as the kids, Malcolm, Alex, Sebastian,Georgah, and Rebekah in the tent in the backyard. They are laughing and joking. It's such a wonderful sound.

I am really excited about this week coming up. I am off for the next 4 more days and have had the last 2 off. Which is great. We will have movie night, church, camping then Thanksgiving. Oh and the big day for Eve.. She turns officially into a teenager. She will be 13. WOW!

update

Eve found out over the announcements today that she made 2nd chair in Choir All region. WOW! What else do you say. I am in awe. I think she is too. Still in shock.
Pretty impressive to be in 7th grade and make 2nd chair out of all the kids 7th and 8th who tried out.

Malcolm had All-district today. Talked to him from work tonight he sounded bummed. He said he did horrible. The worst he has ever done. It is more like practice for All region. But I got the impression that it wasn't a good thing especially with all the hype of having his sister make All-region. He doesn't find out until tomorrow how he did.

Back at work again tonight. Feeling very blessed for my kids.

Meant to post! Too funny

I meant to post this and didn't remember or get a chance. Well Ram got married a week ago. I think alot of people expect me to just be devastated. Which it is actually the opposite. I feel like a big burden off my shoulders. Maybe that sounds weird. Maybe it is because I am hoping he will be more responsible with his new wife and actually pay the bills as they come to me. We will see.

Ok we were on the way to Cole's last football game and we found out he and his new wife AnnaDee was going to be there. I think I said something like oh great. But more because I missed the first little bit of the game and I don't always like to deal with him. Alex informs me that he told his teacher that his dad was getting married and the teacher looked puzzled. She asked your parents are divorced? He says yeah for a long time. She says oh. Then she tells him well I hope your dad does better this time. And tell your mom to hang in there. Alex just said he was confused by her telling his mom to hang in there. So he repeats that they have been divorced a long time.
So he tells me this and I am thinking What the Heck! And just start laughing. Am I suppose to be devasted? I am not.. The things people say. So I post it on facebook. For those who really know me it's like yeah extreme devastation right> hahaha

Weirdly enough Since they did my stress level is much lower. I seem happier. Can that be. He gets married and I am happier? Works for me!

Big day!

This week has been a bit crazy this week. I have been working alot lately. Which is really good. We just ended another six weeks of school. Trying to plan Thanksgiving this year. Got to the point where I was seriously thinking about just going to eat out on Thanksgiving. Yes, I know there are no left overs. But the hassle, drama etc. Especially with me working the night before.

Then it hit me. As much as I may want to be a little on the lazy side. The kids love this holiday. They love the time with family. In fact I suggested one year we go to New york city and see the Macy parade. They said they didn't want to miss Thanksgiving with their family. So Thanksgiving is on at my house.


Saturday was an exciting day at our house. Eve had all region for choir. First time competing in it. I never did this competition when I was growing up so I am not sure exactly how it works. She went and performed her solo and whatever else they have you do. Saturday night she called me while she was babysitting and asked if I could go look on the list at the school to see what the results were. So on the way to take Malcolm, Cole and Sarah to the dance we went by there. I had butterflies in my stomach for her. She already performed it so why the butterflies? In the dark we scrolled through the names on the list. So many names. We almost missed it. Then we went by schools. And there she was. I almost cried. I know I jumped up and down in excitement. Good thing there wasn't anyone around. But Malcolm and I called her to tell her and then tell her who else was on the list. As Malcolm and I finished you should have seen us running to the car all excited. Malcolm jumping over benches. Me well no I passed on that one.

But seriously I was literally fighting back the tears. I was so well... I really couldn't explain the feeling. I was so proud of her. And excited for her accomplishment. Being only in 7th grade. The change between last year and now. Her confidence was much higher than it was last year. First the beginning of the year when she found out that she was in the advanced choir and thinking they made a mistake that on the first day of school the teacher would realize her mistake and change her.Last year when she was scared to sing in front of the middle school teacher to try out for choir. To now... To sing by herself in front of judges and to make all-region. Today she had my mom take her back to the school to see the list again. They found out she actually made the Advance mixed choir. OH my goodness! She was Grandma was super excited about it but I didn't understand why. The impact hasn't hit her. She is excited that she made it but I don't know if she reallized the accomplishment it was. Tomorrow she will find out what chair she made. That I guess is important. She and I talked about it. Whether 1st or 40th. She made it!

Good job Eve! As I sat in Young women's next to her and listened to her sing. I was amazed at the beautiful voice that was coming out of her. What a talent to have!

Alex did the flag ceremony at school for Veteran's day. I heard it was a big success. All decked out in his scout uniform.

missing you...

Pulling into work I get this:

I can't sleep

Can I watch TV?

Luv u to this is going to be hard night for me i will miss u can u by me a slush please luv u with my heart.

Initially I thought this was Eve sending me these text messages since it was from her phone. But then I looked at the last text and thought hmm maybe it is from Sebastian. This so tugs at your heart strings.

Things tonight were hard for the some of my kids. Eve is falling into the teenage roll the total girl teenage roll...attitude. So she got her phone taken away from her in the middle of texting for an hour. I actually found this works better then a longer time frame.

Sebastian didn't want me to go to work. It was bedtime and he just wanted me to lay with him. So he says
I don't want you to work. Why do you work so much?

me: I don't work that much. I work the 3 days. This week I am working one extra day.

cbash: why?

Me: to buy things for christmas.

cbash: oh (started crying)

He started crying very quietly. I touched his face in the dark room to find our for sure. I reassured him I would rather be there with him. Which I so would like to be.
So we talk about Christmas what he wants trying to pull out more than socks...
I eventually have to get up to leave for work. He is still crying.

I enjoy being a nurse. I really do. It allows me to actually spend more time with my kids then most. I am able to go to their functions etc. But my heart breaks leaving them at night to go to work. I know they are safe but I just feel better knowing I am there at home. Not very many of them still have nightmares or anything like that but I just WANT to be home. And when they get upset it makes it hard to go.
Every night on my way to work God and I talk. I started doing this when I was in nursing school. As a nurse there is a whole lot of things that can go wrong so praying makes me feel like there is another set of eyes with me. And it does truly help. Every night as I drive I want to turn around and go home to be with my kids.
So when I got this text message as cute as the last part was the harder it made it to walk into work tonight. Especially as charge nurse on a new floor I had butterflies. Even though I was working with the nurses and Tech's I always do.

I have been thinking about if I could do the days shift again. They are asking... There are just a lot of cons too. Less money, more drama, more stress, working weekend days. So yes that would make me home for bedtime but away after school. Hmmm I just don't know. Wish I could wave a magic wand and solve the problem.

I guess whoever was on the other line will be getting a slush!

Just happenings

I promised myself that I would do better at blogging. Sometimes it is easier to get on facebook. Admit it you write 2 sentences and your done. I find out more about my daughter by reading facebook then she is spilling to me at this time.

Isn't that strange? I have entered the teenage years with 3 kids. Well not officially until the 23rd of this month. But Eve by no means is waiting to throw her teenage self around until that day. I have one that tells me things. Probably not everything but enough for me to figure out the rest. Then another son that tell me for the most part everything. Don't get me wrong I know there are secrets among teeanage boys and their mothers. But he just feels comfortable telling me things. As long as I promise not to tell my sisters. lol
Then there is Eve.... She tells me zippo! Well she shares if I pull the information out. Or I listen at just the right minute to hear her and Cole talking. No, I'm not ease dropping they are in the car behind me they just think I am listening to the radio. So instead I watch her facebook. And I learn. So for modern day parents we have this.

This week has been different. I worked Sunday and Monday night but instead of working my third shift I traded and worked during the day instead. This was nice to be awake during the day hours and actually start to get things accomplished. We are moving floors at work and I have been helping to get everything a go on the new floor. Set it up, meetings and more meetings. It seems like it never stops. I worked another shift on Saturday night after dealing with all the activities of the kids. All region tryout practice, Malcolm who chose to work a 6:45 a.m. shift at school craft fair to earn points toward his letter jacket. Cole and Eve taking them to a stupid science fair in Dallas. Ugh. Then to work. Sunday we missed Stake conference due to me working. I came home went to go to bed and found my niece in my bed. Hmmm... how did she get there?
Malcolm and Cole had spent the night at my sister Michelle's house with her boys and Destinee came to stay at my house. When I got home Eve, Alex, and Sebastian were up. Destinee some how found her way to my bed. So poor thing I was Dess aunt Heather needs to go to bed. She moved to Eve's bed and went back to sleep.
Saturday during the time I took my short nap before going to work Alex and Sebastian decided they wanted to put their bunk beds back together from 2 twins. So I had told them to have Malcolm help them. They didn't want to wait. They did it themselves. How a 10 and 9 year old move metal frames on top of each other and there are no holes in walls and they are still alive I don't know.
Sebastian's best friend came over Sunday to hang out. I have missed seeing him around the house since Sebastian is at a new school they don't get together as much. We got so use to him being at our house at least 2 to 3 days a week and Sebastian being over there just as much. It was nice to see him back at the house.

Work tonight has been a bit crazy. Lots of old confused people. bless their hearts. Bless ours too. We ran for a long time tonight. I am working with only one other nurse and a tech. And the nurse I am working with is nice enough but just talks and talks. Not someone we usually works with so it is different. It is the last night on our floor. We move to different floor tomorrow morning. This is where I started nursing. It will be very different to move and not be here again. I am telling myself it will be better. Positive thinking right?

There are moments when I am out and about or at home cleaning in a mad rush to get things done before I went off to work today that I realize how lucky I am. I have some really great kids. Yes they argue at times but when it comes down to it. When I ask them to do things they do it and then some.

This weekend my ex was remarried. I wondered hw the kids were going to take it since they weren't invited to the actual wedding. Just given an ivitation for an open house. I don't understand that concept.But ok. I didn't say anything. Only one made a comment about the wedding on Saturday. Eve says wonder if dad is married yet. Cole states why does it even matter. Then nothing else was said. So I do worry that this will be hard on them. How will they process it.

Something interesting I asked for christmas list from my kids so I can shop this coming weekend.
Cole's list consisted of clothes and shoes. Different types, underwear included.
Sebastian had three things on it...
Under armour shirt
Webkinz
Socks!
Really where is the toys he's 9. I had to check their closets I swear they do have clothes!
Alex now was more the kid with the gadgets and yes for his birthday he thinks he needs a cell phone. Yeah I don't think so.
Eve's was clothes etc but that is a teenage girl.
Malcolm well he still hasn't gotten it to me.

When I first was bugging the older 2 to get it for me. Cole says " can I text it to you?"
Seriously, does he expect me to open the text everytime I am shopping to get the info.
Well, not much else.
Nite for now!

Love this

I absolutely love this time of year. I am not sure if it is the extra decorations I get to place around the house, the smell of fall (as much as there is in texas), football games where you freeze your little bottoms off. There is nothing like going to a game wrapping up in a warm blanket cheering your team on. Just to get so worked up that you jump up to cheer and realize how cold it is. Yes, we get cold weather here. May not be snow but trust me at times the wind goes right through you.

Tonight I was able to go watch Cole play tonight. I love watching him play! Ok I am a little bios but come on what is better than watching your kid excel at something. He seems to have this ability that he has built on this year. So this year as hard as some of them have tried their team record lacks some wins. Bless his heart he plays his heart out. Makes some awesome plays but just isn't enough for the team to win. Tonight he was being played both as offense and Defense the only time he wasn't in the game was on the kick offs. I know he was tired. On one of his amazing HITS. Knocked the guy good he got hit too. The next thing I see is him walking off the field holding his hand. Cole never leaves the game he plays hurt. So I knew this was serious.
So I began to watch him as a mom your first instinct is to want to get up and want to know what happened. As I watched his coach was looking at his hand moving it around and he is doing his I hurt so bad I want to cry dance. You know all your kids have it. You can tell when they are trying to be tough. So I continued to watch and he paced up and down the sidelines with his friends trying to fix his hand. That was quite sweet. I figured great I will be in the Urgent care now! But eventually he started to put on his glove again. But it was interesting. He was trying to put it on with out using his hand to do it. But he tucked in his shirt again and went back in. Continued to play his heart out the rest of the game.
After the game when I pick him up is the best time for us just to talk. He was telling me that how bad his hand was hurting. That his I am going to cry dance he really was crying. He said it hurt so bad he couldn't help it. I said I didn't think football players cried? He reassured me that they do. That he would never had gone back into the game except the kid that replaced him was awful! So he sucked it up and went back in. Poor thing. Then he continues to tell me that his coached came up to him after the game and told him he was an incredible athlete. He then told me he almost started to cry again. I didn't understand so I ask why? He said he was so mad about the game he didn't want to talk to anyone about football.
Football season this year ends next week. And after that he will concentrate on Pole vaulting. He has said he wants to go to the olympics with it. So for his birthday I promised him vaulting camp. So this is his next venture to work on.
He is seriously trying to talk Eve into doing Pole vaulting camp too. We will see if he has any luck with that.

We will wait and see on his hand to figure out whether he needs to have it x-ray.
Hmm I guess this whole post has been about Cole. I have been very impressed with who he is growing up to be. He is my right hand man right now in the morning. He wakes Malcolm up at 4:30 then I call him back in 15 minutes to make sure Malcolm got up. Then he wakes Alex up at 6:15 then gets back up with Sebastian at 6:45. Eve get up at the same time. But he does all this without complaining every morning. Then has practice after school till 5:45. So I know he is tired when I have to work. Bless his sweet heart for doing this. He keeps the family going. Who couldn't love Him!

Month of October

I can't believe it has been a month since I have posted last. So much has gone on and with my computer not working properly I haven't been able to get on and write.
I have to be in the mood also. Hmm that seems to come at 3am when I can't sleep. So the mood flies by and no post.
October we have seen tons of rain, gotten a puppy, and celebrated my birthday, watched some amazing football games with Cole and on the high school level and watched in amazement as Malcolm's band march in the pouring rain and had a perfect performance and won the competition that day.

I guess a run down of kids will start. As I said Malcolm has been full on competition mode for marching band. They have done quite well this year. Had some disappointing times but have learned a lot. He has been a big help around the house. He is really growing up picking up slack when he sees something needing to be done.
I sat at Cole's game on my birthday ( yes I enjoyed doing that on my birthday) and was amazed at the skills that he had improved on. He has been good. But he has defined his ability this season. It is hard to explain. To watch him run and out manuever on plays I thought he was done for. I was sitting at one of his games and up walked this cute little girl with his jersey number on his face. hmm I thought to myself. I had been talking to Cole the night before and knew he made plans to meet up with a girl at school. He never said exactly why but why else. So a women sat down next to me and began to talk to me about the game. She asked who is your son? I explained his name was Cole. The girls turn and ask which Cole? I smile and say the one on your face. The lady couldn't help but smile. I think I embarrassed her a bit. Not meaning to.
As of yesterday he was no longer boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. I have been really impressed at his determination to understand his Algebra class. He goes to tutoring in the morning 3 times a week without me saying You need to.
Eve is working hard on learning her Choir music for all region. You constantly hear her practicing whether the boys want to or not. She has figured out that having her hair straight is more to her liking. I have tried for year to get her to take the time to straighten it and not always wear it in a ponytail. She finally figured it out. She has worn it curly I think maybe once this month. It makes her look so grown up. She is however learning a hard lesson about jealousy of girls around her. She had a girl in her choir class hit her and start messing with her. Luckily she has some 8th grade friends in there to that told the 8th grader messing with her to leave her alone. I heard Eve telling Cole the girl was saying something about it was because she was mad she didn't look like Eve. I really hope that isn't something we have to deal with in high school.
Alex is really getting involved at school this year. Which is no surprise he likes doing that. He was chosen to put up and take down the flag every day. He was also told that all his teachers felt like he should be in student government. He is a good leader so I can see that. He made whiz quiz team this week. He was so excited. He thought he wouldn't make it but that boy has so much unneccessary knowledge that is what they need for this team.
Sebastian is making more friends at his school. But is finding it hard at times when the faculty and staff don't know him very well so choose other students for things like library aid etc. I have been impressed with his new school and the academics they have. So this means where I didn't sit down and check his homework every night I do now. It takes more for him to sit down and do and that is good. It makes him think instead of rushing through it. I watch and see him growing up before my eyes. I so would like to slow them all down. But especially him since he is my baby. He came home from trick or treating and they traded candy.Then found out I was getting ready to leave and he says. I wish I had thought about it I would have waited to trade candy so I could sit with you. Ahhh. I wanted to take another 30 minutes to sit with him but just couldn't.

This year Halloween was very different for our families. All the older kids not trick or treating. This may be one of the last years we do this at Stephanie's house and neighborhood. Wow it has been 9 years of tradition. It's horrible to think about changing it.

Cole and I worked the Haunted house out at Six Flags this year for the boy scouts. We had a lot of fun. I was hidden in a corner and yelled my pretty little heart out and scared the living daylights out of them. Yes I enjoyed myself. Maybe too much!

We then were able to go to six Flags the next day free. We had a lot of fun.

I have been finding it much harder to go to work and leave my kids at night. I enjoy my job for the most part. There are it's moments. But my heart aches at not being at home when they may need me. I see it in Sebastian and Alex's faces when they find out I am going to work. It just stinks. Maybe one day I can find something that works better.

One last thing. My kids have started this I am New Mexico sick! What? Yes, they are and Eve is leading the charge for saying it. They enjoyed being at my Aunt Jolene's and Uncle Chuck's house so much they are dreaming of going back. I have plans to go there for a couple of days on spring break on our way out to Arizona but I find it funny that this is their new thing.
So I guess to keep it from missing New Mexico too much we will be going there 2 times a year.lol
Well, time to go. Not a whole lot on here tonight but it is an update.
Pictures will come soon...

Ordinations

As Bishop Speirs stood up announced the ward business of Malcolm and Cole moving up in the priesthood I looked at my boys and had to hold my mouth closed. Standing there one in front waiting to pass the sacrement the other at the end of the row. I couldn't believe how grown up they looked in their shirt and ties. Could they really be 16 and 14.

There was no way it was just yesterday when they were running around in the back yard begging to go to the park to play on the playground. Playing with their legos and jumping into my lap.

I found a old picture of them on the first day of school and stared at it forever. Their innocent little faces. I am guessing it was from 2nd and kindergarten somewhere around there. Today as I watched them and then listened as Cole gave a talk with his nervous laugh when he couldn't remember what he was going to say and felt overwhelmed with gratitude for the precious spirit the Lord loaned to me.
They take their priesthood duties very seriously and as they prepared to be ordained to the next office I listened and watched as they decided on who would ordain them.

It was a special moment for me and my sister. As my boys progressed so did my nephews Dakin and Dalton in the having the ability to ordain the boys. The blessings were short and to the point. Some nerves provailed but it was special for all that was there. I could see tears in the eyes of Michelle as her boys did the blessings and could see the happiness in the faces of Malcolm and Cole knowing they were receiving new responsibilities. The faith these kids all have. I would have loved to of had when I was their ages.

During sacrement meeting my dad sat next to Alex and was teaching him a magic trick. Very quietly I think I was the only one that could tell what was going on. Alex loves that interaction with the adults. I watched it with him with my grandfather and now with my dad. I had to laugh at one point it was like they were both kids. The grandkids enjoy that and always know that Pa Wynne always either has candy or gum. And they found him in the foyer today with his gum.

We had a great family lunch. It was so relaxed unfortunately I don't have a table big enough for everyone. Half of the kids could barely wait until everything was on the table before starting to fill their plates. So by the time the adults were actually filling their plates the younger ones were done eating and doing karoke upstairs, the teenagers in the diningroom eating and visiting and that left the kitchen table and the overflow into the den. It was nice to hear the visiting of everyone the laughter. Something about sandwiches on Sunday. Maybe it was we ate alot of sandwiches growing up on the weekends. But it seems that at gatherings we do the same. I have to say they were some of the best sandwiches I have had in a long time. I chalk it up to the company. Myself, my neice Sarah and my brother Adam made the homemade salsa. We used the peppers from Michelle's and Riches Garden. WOW they are some of the hottest suckers. Even pulling the seeds out.

As both boys grow I see their love for others come out. Malcolm makes it a point to take time for Grandma and go to talk to her. I am trying. I seem to be antisocial here lately and he seems to just naturally enjoy spending time with her. Cole and Malcolm both are learning about forgiveness. Mostly forgiveness of their father. I see the change in them. They are so much more happier. I am so glad to see that weight lifted from them.

Today was a day that I know will soon fade and I will try and remember when they were this age. Soon enough I will have my younger ones taking those important steps and wondering where their time went.

How they have grown

It crazy how one day you wake up and realize how much your kids have grown up in front of you. Their height etc are a given. But maturity level is something totally different.

Both Malcolm and Cole are hitting another year older this week. Malcolm turns 16 and Cole turns 14. With church this means they both progress in their priesthood duties. We were talking about who they wanted to perform their ordinances. I get the impression from quite a few people that this should be sad for them not having their Dad as someone they could turn to in this. In reality it seems to be the quite opposite. The discussion continued with both initially wanting the same Uncle to do it. Then the question was asked if Malcolm could stand in or in fact if one of their cousins could do it. We arrived at church and they scurried off to do their things.
I was aproached by the bishop about their ordination when and who they were going to have. He also mentioned that Malcolm could actually perform the ordination for Cole if Cole wanted him to or stand in. I discussed with him our earlier conversation and he said he would talk to the boys about it.
I have to say I absolutely love our bishop. Maybe it is because we got to know him as our hometeacher first so there is a different connection. My kids love him and find it very easy for them to talk to him.

After church Malcolm decided to have his cousin Dalton perform his ordinances. And we didn't dare say anything else to Cole. I think he was feeling the pressures a bit. To many options not wanting to hurt anyones feelings. Especially Malcolm's I am guessing if he chose someone else. On the way to BYC and SED tonight Cole announced that he wanted Dakin to perform the ordinances. This is his oldest cousin. They are very much backwards from what I thought the boys would do. Dalton and Cole are very much a like and Malcolm and Dakin are very much alike. hmmm

I watch the youth around me and am amazed at their I don't know what the right word is.. Their ability to choose right from wrong. The strength of their testimonies and the way they handle their decisions they need to make.

My kids have a bedtime routine that every night right before the younger ones go to bed everything stops..We read scriptures and have prayer. They figured out a schedule on who reads and who prays each night. They did this one night when I was working. And it has stuck. There isn't any set amount of scripture verses that we are to read each night. Alot of nights it depends on the time and the moods of the little guys. What blows me away is that they do this even when I am at work. Without to much promptings either. So Malcolm text me the other night about how upset he was that the 3 younger ones weren't paying attention and how it was so important for them to listen and understand the scriptures and know how important it is to do this so they don't make the same mistake and miss out on the importance. Wow really this is coming from my not quite 16 year old. Cole tends to try and sneak in extra verses without the little guys knowing. Except the other night Malcolm got wise and picked up another Book of mormon and saw he was continue to read past what I told him too. He just doesn't want to stop and one night he read 20 something verses when the others thought he was only going to read a couple. Which is not a problem except when it is hours past bedtime due to other activities.

I look at my older three and look at the testimonies they have. Their strength in who they are as latter day saints and just stand there with my jaw open. They have developed such knowledge of the gospel and right from wrong that it blows anything I ever knew away.

I look at where we were at 9 years ago when I filed for divorce. I wondered how I was going to make it work to teach them the importance of church and the priesthood if they didn't have a good influence for a father. I have been so blessed by the Lord that he made it work. He put in the right people in our lives to help them get to where they are today. It was the hardest thing to do to move from a ward that I was so close to and didn't have to explain the family dynamics to.
But the best thing I ever did was to move south closer to family into a ward with 2 of my sisters and their families. The connection my kids have made with their cousins is something I never would have thought possible. Even between the girls and the boys they are close. Being given the opportunity to live closer also gave my kids an opportunity to see the framework of how to build their testimonies of the priesthood through their uncles.

Ok so now Malcolm is turning 16 on Tuesday. He is something like 6feet 1inches tall if he hasn't grown more. Towers over me. Cole is 14 on Thursday and Stands 5 feet 7 inches. He would walk up to me and say mom am I taller yet. Now he is just barely. What wonderful young men they are becoming.

Problem solved

A couple of weeks ago we dealt with the reality of what the world is changing to. Sebastian and Alex were learning that not everyone makes the right choices and that sometimes you will come in contact with their bad choices that can be dangerous. Both boys with their friends had a situation with kids pulling out a gun on them. We have been making decisions and figuring out how to deal with it in the best way.

Unfortunately, Sebastian has ran into 2 of these boys on several occasions either at school or while picking up Cole at football. After this occurance at his school I spoke with the vice principle yesterday. I have to say I am quite impressed with her and how fast this has been resolved. She interviewed Sebastian and then the school Police came in and interviewed him and several other children at his school that had issues with the same kid. Non of these kids go to his school which is good. The police and the vice principle were able to figure out who the 3rd kid was that was involved in the situation. I received a phone call this morning saying that all three boys had been issued tresspassing warnings and not allowed back on his school property. All parents had been talked to and that the one that owned the gun was being referred to the city Police department. However, she did say that one of the boys is known for being in trouble and that Sebastian should go the opposite direction if he saw the boy in the neigborhood. She said he has a mouth on him.

So we found out 2 of them are junior high kids and one a high schooler.From what I was told 2 of the kids are suppose to be good kids who made a bad choice and then the third who has no discipline at home. It goes to show that even if your kid is good who they hang around can change everything.

I wasn't sure how a this new school would handle this situation but I am very happy with how it was handled and how fast. The vice-principle sounded like she wasn't going to put up with anything and was going to be making sure Sebastian didn't have anymore problems. We will however have to monitor his walking route for a while. No names were used I think they thought they were protecting the boys. Which I hope so.

This was a learing experience for all of us.You should have seen Sebastian's face when he found out they found all 3 boys and that they had gotten in trouble. The relief was amazing.

Perspective and Silence

Over the last couple of days things seem to have gone to the extreme. Nothing I feel necessary to place on here to let the world know. But for me I have been thinking alot about the situation and how we used to disagree and eventually things would die down. Apologies would be exchange and all would be well.

I have been thinking alot about this. Really thinking about things. The other night I didn't get my feelings hurt but I was frustrated with the situation. Sometimes you just don't know how to speak to people so you tip toe trying to make it better but end up making it worse because maybe they don't understand what your trying to say. You tip toe and then you fall flat on your face. Then don't know how to fix it. So you sit in the silence just wondering.

Even though I have grown up with alot of family drama(now I use this lightly not meant to be extreme drama) even as an adult. I love my family. I know that the strength I have had to make it to where I have as a single mom is from that drama and the strength I have gained from the understanding of this.By no means have I figured it all out. By no means am I even close to perfect on my relationships.

It's interesting to see the ones you seem to be the most alike are the ones you disagree with the most. Butting heads over issues that you probably are both right about you just look at it in different lights.

As I sat in my silence others spoke. I guess what people may have termed as defending my honor when in reality it was stress from their lives coming out too.

Knowing how to make something right is difficult at times. I don't know if there is away to fix all of this.

Over the last several years my house has been well insane. Not always in a bad way just busy. Getting through nursing school, then with my tumor, then Malcolm's heart problems,Alex facial fractures, my illness coming back, more injuries. Not to mention just trying to have a car that would fit everyone in it and work. I never realized that my insane life trickled down to the others in my family. Not so much wearing down on what they had to do.(all though the support and prayers were amazing)but what I couldn't or didn't see I needed to do for them. In this silence I sat in the last couple of days I realized this has hurt them. For lack of a better word Neglect of those relationships hurt them.Never realizing not taking the time to go see them even though we talked on the phone was something they needed from me. I just didn't realize this until I really let silence enter in my world. Silence isn't something I have very often in fact I absolutely hate silence. It makes me worry. But somehow this silence has been priceless. It allowed me to see where others were coming from.

When you live close to someone and your lives are connected in many ways through kids, church,work,doctors you don't think about those that you care about that may not be intertwined in your everyday life feeling like you don't care as much. I am not a phone person I am terrible about snail mail and trying to get better about emails. That is one reason I started doing this blog was to keep people updated. Then again even in person with my mom living me me I think she and I talk less now then when she lived 300 miles a part. Hmm wonder why that is.

So now I will try and find that silence again to try and figure how to fix this. If I can.

I love my family even with our differences!

crazy weekend

The hospitals are feeling the crunch of the economy. It may have taken a little longer to trikle down but it is here. Summer is our slow time every year. But this week one of our sister hospitals laid off 50 plus people. That is a little scarey.

Our floor was closed Friday. I went in for a meeting and found they had moved all of our patient into the new wing so that wing could stay productive since it wasn't paid for yet. hmmm.. I have been recently made co-chair of our floor committee which a big leap of faith. They told me this week that they needed someone who could stand up for the floor. I warned her that I ruffle some feathers at time when I go to staffing she says GOOD that is what we need. So I guess at times it helps to be outspoken.I have also been put on the sub committee for Charge nurses.

I am hoping that I get to work this week. The last 2 weeks I have already missed alot of work time. Hopefully not this week.

Alex came home from school Friday to tell me that he hurt his knee in PE today. Well poor guy seems to be accident prone and I have gotten so used to him getting hurt and a hour later being fine. So I said lets put some ice on it and we will see how you do. Well when I finally woke up enough to really look at it the knee was swolen. So off to the after hour clinic we go. He asked the doctor why he could feel his knee vibrate which made her confused so he showed her and she was oh sometime your sack under your knee leaks.. Then the x-ray..He has bleeding under his knee cap and is to stay off it this weekend and no trampoline for a while. Yeah that will be easy.
The pain is still there as of this morning still having problems walking. It may be a long recovery.
He said why is that when the doctor says I should be fine in a couple of days I always end up in the percentage that it takes longer. Poor thing. Sebastian says he needs to be wrapped in marshmellows.lol That's how a 9 year old thinks.

By saturday morning Alex was already complaining of being bored. He had only been up an hour. YIKES long day ahead. Luckily some of my nieces and nephew came over and helped to entertain him. Sweet Georgah went to his room where he was laying and sat on the bed and played the ds lite the whole time just so he would have company.

Loss of a dear friend

There are times in our lives that we get those feelings that we need to go visit someone. Sometimes we listen sometimes we don't. We don't always know why we get those feelings and then there are times like tonight you find out why.

I made a special connection with an unlikely person. I had a patient I started taking care of in January that she and I just really connected. I can't explain why. She would tell me that I was her sister. Maybe not in age but that we were that close. I kept in touch stopping by to see her after I stopped doing homehealth. Unfortunately I hadn't seen her since the end of June. I would get the feeling of needing to go see her. First it was me getting sick and just struggling to do my everyday things that life through at me. Then it was just trying to keep up with kids. I could make all the excuses possible but I just didn't run with the feeling of needing to go see her. Even when I was headed home from work 2 weeks ago I got another strong feeling that I needed to go see her I thought ok I will go see. Then I got the flu.

Tonight at work I got the feeling I needed to check the obituaries. So I got on and my first instinct was to look up her name.
Tonight I found out I lost a friend.Someone that would have given me the shirt off her back. But I couldn't listen to the voice telling me to go visit her. I figured I could go this week. Lilly died on Sunday. How do you make that up. You just can't.
Lilly was 78 and an amazing women. Who was always sending treats home to my kids for the holidays. Even slipping into my hands $10 a piece for easter for my kids. She had become a single mother many years ago then remarried. So on the level of that she understood what I was going through at times.

I can't believe she is gone and I will never be able to tell her again how much she means to me. Don't wait when you have those feelings. Act on them. Someday it may be too late if you don't.

I will miss you Lilly..

family

My sweet Nephew Carter was blessed today. How I wish we could have all been there to witness this great occasion. If I could only connect Arizona with Texas just a little closer. Unfortunately, we don't get to visit with my little brother and his family as much as we would all like. Money isn't always on our side to drive that far whether for them or us. Or now with school in session neither is time.Hopefully soon we can connect in person to see this wonderful yummy little boy my brother and sweet sister in law brought into this world. Oh and we can't forget their little girl McKayla.

Yesterday Malcolm and Cole went to meet up with friends at a local high school to play ball for awhile. Alex and Sebastian feeling left out wanted to do the same. So they asked if they could call some of their friends over to play at the elementary school half a mile from our house. 2 of their friends came and they played for an hour. They went to their friends house afterwards. However, when I got to the house to pick them up the mom told me that the kids were approached by someone with a gun.. I about fell out of my seat. Apparently, some kids came around right after Misti ( the other mom) left with a gun and a lighter. Trying to steal their water bottles. Showing off their gun and the clip etc and the lighter they had on them. I am not sure if it was to scare them or try and make themselves look big and cool.
What scared me more is non of the boys thought about the fact that after they finally left they should leave too incase they came back. If they couldn't leave while they were their.

I never thought I needed to specifically tell them what to do. The school was next to a fire station. When I asked the boys why they didn't leave Alex simply said we were tired. Seriously? So needless to say we had a talk about what to do. And they wouldn't be doing that again without a bigger kid. I really thought that at their ages they were ok. The neighborhood is nice. Yes, if you ask my brother in law the whole city is a Ghetto! But I have worked in the ghetto/hood. WE have even lived in what you would question as safe.. We have had the door kicked in at one of our houses. Just weeks after moving from the house I couldn't leave fast enough because of what I was worried about our safety someone shot up a house down the street.
So I have worked very hard to live in a nicer/ safe neighborhood. Now these kids may not have even belong around here. Who knows. It just really made me thankful for them being safe. And to quite honest a little scared for them.

Is this really what we have to look forward to for our children? How scarey.


The controversy over Obama's speech has gone amazingly crazy at times. I have watched my facebook and seen the responses to anyone who differs in views. I personally don't want my kids to see it at school. I would much rather watch it at home with them and answer questions objectively then them having some very liberal teachers tell them what to think. Yes, Texas has liberal teachers. It used to be that they tended to be a little more conservative. Especially in the bible belt.
I cannot say enough how grateful and proud I am to be an American. I still have this overwhelming feeling to cry when you stand and hear the national anthem. Only if we can instil this in our kids.

I am finally getting back to a normal schedule to a degree. After being sick most of the week I still not quite at my energy level I am usually but I am able to drive and cook without worrying I will get my kids sick. Thank heavens.
Now I must get out of this room before I am hit with the multiple nerf bullets in my kids nerf gun fight in the dark. Yes in the dark they have fun and since there is no school and Grandma is away they can play without worrying about noise.

Tomorrow the big day game! YEAH GO JAGUARS!

Night full of excitement and FIRST!

It has been an interesting week this week. I feel like I have lost a week after starting it out sick with the flu. SWINE flu? Who knows I decided to just fight it out in bed at home. That's exactly what I did. Thanks to my wonderful mom who helped go get the kids from Band and football practice in the evenings.I literally stayed in my bed/room until absolutely necessary to come out on Wednesday when my mom was leaving town and I had to go pay some bills. Still to return to my bed. Thankfully my sister Stephanie saw me at church Wednesday night and told me she would bring all my kids home after activities. So bed I went again.

I almost forgot why I got on here to write...

Tonight an unusually happy mood is in the house. I can't explain it. Today I still slept while the kids were in school and slowly went to pick up those who needed to be picked up. To the store etc. Malcolm was a buzz about the BYU fireside he was going to put on by the football players. Off he went.

So is it too early to put out decorations for the Fall or even Halloween? This time of year is my absolute favorite. I love the Fall and all the holidays in it too. Eve and I sat down to watch a movie and the boys later joined us after a sporty game of trampoline football... Don't ask what it is just know it was suppose to build their skills.. however I think it only built bruises..
After the movie we did the nightly routine of scriptures and prayers and I realized we didn't have Ice. And in my house this is a MUST! Ice in everything..If I remember right my dad even put it in his milk when I was growing up. Anyways, after we got home we took the lantern and dug out the fall goodies from the storage in the backyard. The little boys (not sure how much longer I can call them this) Alex and Sebastian helped me decorate putting out the fall and YES the Halloween! Guilty it is only SEPTEMBER and I have HALLOWEEN in my house. If you walk up to my door you will first just see a nice Fall decoration on the door then to your surprise you will see the skeleton staring out the window at you.

There never seems to be enough time to enjoy the fall time so we will start early. I find it just puts you in the mood. And since here in Texas we still have 90 degree weather into October at times you have to take advantage of the decorations or you just might think it was July. When all is said and done I started to put my yearly wreath together. I use a grapevine wreath and redo it every year never the same. Well this year Sebastian started putting flowers, leaves etc and at first I wanted to say no let mommy do it. Instead I handed it over to him and said you and Alex do it. Well he was impatient and did it himself. Not to bad for first time. I will post a picture later.

Ok first at my house along with the early decorations tonight. Malcolm came home gifts in hand from his fireside. So excited about being there and hearing the impressive nature of who these players are. How many were Eagle Scouts, How many served a mission. He brought everyone BYU helmet stickers... Now you have to understand by no means is anyone in our house a all out fan of BYU.

Both my parents went to a Christian school in Abilene. I would say predominately Baptist. My mom wasn't a member at the beginning so the Y never was something drilled into us. I have never lived in UTAH. Yes I know to some that is FOREIGN. So when he brought it home I was shocked to say the least when everyone was so excited to get one. Alex used his and Cole's to place on his football helmet and now he says he will be a BYU player for Halloween.. Then Cole says lets put one on the car! What? Seriously? BYU? I had been sticker free on my new van for 6 months. I knew they were planning things but never did I think that would be the first one on it. So now my Van sits in the driveway with a Y sticker on it..Imagine this when in my house we have a huge Texas Longhorn sign above Sebastian's bed who shares a room with the die hard Texas Tech Raider fan. Texas runs in our blood. But instead we have a Y sticker on the Van. Hmmm I asked Cole what we are going to do about the others he started naming off all the different schools (kids going to 5) we could paste on the window. Uh no I don't think so. So for now the Y sticker wins.. I still want my Longhorn sticker or I guess I could settle and put the balls on the bottom of the car to drag like all the Texas guys around here. Just kidding. If you have never seen them the first time you just stare to figure out what the HECK is that. Then as you get closer you about pass out to find that the good ol boys have attached what looks like Bull balls to their trucks. Yes you have to see it to believe it.

This weekend brings big things to our family. Malcolm's school Summit will be playing in a National game event at the new Cowboys Stadium. This is the stadium that you pay $40 to just park. So we will be going to watch and cheer and be in awe of the place where they will be playing and marching. Everyone is so excited. I can't imagine the turnout for the game. The district sold out of tickets before Friday. This same event brought down a team from Utah to play one of the area's best teams. Malcolm said that the team of 50 boys chose to go to church on Sunday instead of sightseeing. How proud those parents have to be to know their boys did that. I was totally amazed. Eve was stoked since word is they are coming to our ward. How excited she was until we gently reminded her these are boys too old for her. So I can make friends and put them on my facebook. Oh she is so boy crazy...

To a good relaxing weekend....I am ready to just enjoy my kids and the blessings we have...

The new me!

I realize how much I have posted today. I have been really pondering how I can make more of a difference in my kids life and those around me. I am really not sure why. Maybe this is my reality check.

Things are by no means perfect around here and that's ok. I don't know what I would do if they were. I would probably be worried about the sky falling or something. The kids and I have been working really hard on our family goal of never missing scripture and prayer. I have been impressed by them keeping this goal even when I work at night. Maybe that is the difference in my mind set. I don't really know.

You know growing up my mom used to say "Kill them with kindness" really I would think. Then I find myself preaching the same things to my kids whether it is kids at school or each other.I see a change in my kids awareness of things. All things, scriptures, prayers, each others and actively doing there callings as class presidents. I see how we all are taking a new road. I like this road.

I have made a decision to be a better me. That me may not be the perfect homemaker, or mother, or person. But it is me. I am happy with me. Maybe that is it. I don't really know. I am learning to be more aware of my blessings instead of looking at everything that goes wrong in a day and saying ok how can we overcome this. Now don't get me wrong I lose my temper with the kids. I say things at times I wish I could take back. But for the most part I am learning to be a better me. This last year we have had our good and bad times. Stressful and fun. But I have to say we have all grown from these things.

As I look over everything that has happened. The people I have met. The ones God put in my life to make me a better person I wonder what it is I need to learn from them. Then something will happen and I will have an Ah ha moment. This year I have had quite a few of them. Not in situations I thought I would. But this week was one and it is only Monday. hmmm imagine that.

My ex-husband was re baptized into the church several months ago. Which ok to be honest I had mixed feelings about but I dealt with it and now all better. He introduced a new girl which happens a lot to the kids. I met her she seems nice. (lord does she know what she is getting into.)My initial reaction months ago was to hold up a big sign and say RUN RUN FAR AWAY! Ok now that totally isn't the person I want to be. So it made me put things into perspective. It has never bothered me he dated well except while we were married.lol No really after the divorce it didn't. The women would be another story. Well, as the year has gone on the kids have interacted with this women( totally not said negatively just don't want to list her name) and the kids like her. She seems nice. And really I just want her to be good to my kids.
Anyways, my new leaf. Yesterday I was cooking dinner and Malcolm walked up to me and says Mom read and he hands me his cell phone. In a text his dad had told him he was now engaged. I just said ok and and kept cooking. Cole joined in on the not so much conversation. Mom are you ok with this? My response why wouldn't I be? As long as she is good to you that is all I care about. They both looked surprised.
Fast forward to today... Something was said about it in the car with Eve and Alex and Sebastian. Eve looks surprised that I knew. Mom how did you know? The boys told me. Oh! Dad told me not to tell you. To tell the boys without you knowing. I thought about it for a minute. How funny is that does anyone keep a secret in my house...:)
I asked why he didn't want her to tell me. She says he thought you would have a problem with it.hmmm

I gave her the same response I have always told them. Sweetie I just want her to be good to you. She says I know you always say that.

So as the afternoon went on and into the night I thought about it. It really didn't bother me. Maybe at one point it might have but not now. What has changed? So I tried to figure out how I could let him know I was cool with it. Should I text him? send a message through the kids? I finally about an hour or so ago I e-mailed him. What would we do without technology? I don't think I could have handled the phone call. We are cordial at times but really just couldn't do the whole conversation with him.

Last night I received a blessing and in it were answers to some of my questions and struggles here lately. What I have discovered is God is always watching out for what we need. Even those things we don't ask for he knows what we need and he helps make us into the person we want to be.

Faith is an amazing thing!