Perspective and Silence

Over the last couple of days things seem to have gone to the extreme. Nothing I feel necessary to place on here to let the world know. But for me I have been thinking alot about the situation and how we used to disagree and eventually things would die down. Apologies would be exchange and all would be well.

I have been thinking alot about this. Really thinking about things. The other night I didn't get my feelings hurt but I was frustrated with the situation. Sometimes you just don't know how to speak to people so you tip toe trying to make it better but end up making it worse because maybe they don't understand what your trying to say. You tip toe and then you fall flat on your face. Then don't know how to fix it. So you sit in the silence just wondering.

Even though I have grown up with alot of family drama(now I use this lightly not meant to be extreme drama) even as an adult. I love my family. I know that the strength I have had to make it to where I have as a single mom is from that drama and the strength I have gained from the understanding of this.By no means have I figured it all out. By no means am I even close to perfect on my relationships.

It's interesting to see the ones you seem to be the most alike are the ones you disagree with the most. Butting heads over issues that you probably are both right about you just look at it in different lights.

As I sat in my silence others spoke. I guess what people may have termed as defending my honor when in reality it was stress from their lives coming out too.

Knowing how to make something right is difficult at times. I don't know if there is away to fix all of this.

Over the last several years my house has been well insane. Not always in a bad way just busy. Getting through nursing school, then with my tumor, then Malcolm's heart problems,Alex facial fractures, my illness coming back, more injuries. Not to mention just trying to have a car that would fit everyone in it and work. I never realized that my insane life trickled down to the others in my family. Not so much wearing down on what they had to do.(all though the support and prayers were amazing)but what I couldn't or didn't see I needed to do for them. In this silence I sat in the last couple of days I realized this has hurt them. For lack of a better word Neglect of those relationships hurt them.Never realizing not taking the time to go see them even though we talked on the phone was something they needed from me. I just didn't realize this until I really let silence enter in my world. Silence isn't something I have very often in fact I absolutely hate silence. It makes me worry. But somehow this silence has been priceless. It allowed me to see where others were coming from.

When you live close to someone and your lives are connected in many ways through kids, church,work,doctors you don't think about those that you care about that may not be intertwined in your everyday life feeling like you don't care as much. I am not a phone person I am terrible about snail mail and trying to get better about emails. That is one reason I started doing this blog was to keep people updated. Then again even in person with my mom living me me I think she and I talk less now then when she lived 300 miles a part. Hmm wonder why that is.

So now I will try and find that silence again to try and figure how to fix this. If I can.