I realize how much I have posted today. I have been really pondering how I can make more of a difference in my kids life and those around me. I am really not sure why. Maybe this is my reality check.
Things are by no means perfect around here and that's ok. I don't know what I would do if they were. I would probably be worried about the sky falling or something. The kids and I have been working really hard on our family goal of never missing scripture and prayer. I have been impressed by them keeping this goal even when I work at night. Maybe that is the difference in my mind set. I don't really know.
You know growing up my mom used to say "Kill them with kindness" really I would think. Then I find myself preaching the same things to my kids whether it is kids at school or each other.I see a change in my kids awareness of things. All things, scriptures, prayers, each others and actively doing there callings as class presidents. I see how we all are taking a new road. I like this road.
I have made a decision to be a better me. That me may not be the perfect homemaker, or mother, or person. But it is me. I am happy with me. Maybe that is it. I don't really know. I am learning to be more aware of my blessings instead of looking at everything that goes wrong in a day and saying ok how can we overcome this. Now don't get me wrong I lose my temper with the kids. I say things at times I wish I could take back. But for the most part I am learning to be a better me. This last year we have had our good and bad times. Stressful and fun. But I have to say we have all grown from these things.
As I look over everything that has happened. The people I have met. The ones God put in my life to make me a better person I wonder what it is I need to learn from them. Then something will happen and I will have an Ah ha moment. This year I have had quite a few of them. Not in situations I thought I would. But this week was one and it is only Monday. hmmm imagine that.
My ex-husband was re baptized into the church several months ago. Which ok to be honest I had mixed feelings about but I dealt with it and now all better. He introduced a new girl which happens a lot to the kids. I met her she seems nice. (lord does she know what she is getting into.)My initial reaction months ago was to hold up a big sign and say RUN RUN FAR AWAY! Ok now that totally isn't the person I want to be. So it made me put things into perspective. It has never bothered me he dated well except while we were married.lol No really after the divorce it didn't. The women would be another story. Well, as the year has gone on the kids have interacted with this women( totally not said negatively just don't want to list her name) and the kids like her. She seems nice. And really I just want her to be good to my kids.
Anyways, my new leaf. Yesterday I was cooking dinner and Malcolm walked up to me and says Mom read and he hands me his cell phone. In a text his dad had told him he was now engaged. I just said ok and and kept cooking. Cole joined in on the not so much conversation. Mom are you ok with this? My response why wouldn't I be? As long as she is good to you that is all I care about. They both looked surprised.
Fast forward to today... Something was said about it in the car with Eve and Alex and Sebastian. Eve looks surprised that I knew. Mom how did you know? The boys told me. Oh! Dad told me not to tell you. To tell the boys without you knowing. I thought about it for a minute. How funny is that does anyone keep a secret in my house...:)
I asked why he didn't want her to tell me. She says he thought you would have a problem with it.hmmm
I gave her the same response I have always told them. Sweetie I just want her to be good to you. She says I know you always say that.
So as the afternoon went on and into the night I thought about it. It really didn't bother me. Maybe at one point it might have but not now. What has changed? So I tried to figure out how I could let him know I was cool with it. Should I text him? send a message through the kids? I finally about an hour or so ago I e-mailed him. What would we do without technology? I don't think I could have handled the phone call. We are cordial at times but really just couldn't do the whole conversation with him.
Last night I received a blessing and in it were answers to some of my questions and struggles here lately. What I have discovered is God is always watching out for what we need. Even those things we don't ask for he knows what we need and he helps make us into the person we want to be.
Faith is an amazing thing!
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