missing you...

Pulling into work I get this:

I can't sleep

Can I watch TV?

Luv u to this is going to be hard night for me i will miss u can u by me a slush please luv u with my heart.

Initially I thought this was Eve sending me these text messages since it was from her phone. But then I looked at the last text and thought hmm maybe it is from Sebastian. This so tugs at your heart strings.

Things tonight were hard for the some of my kids. Eve is falling into the teenage roll the total girl teenage roll...attitude. So she got her phone taken away from her in the middle of texting for an hour. I actually found this works better then a longer time frame.

Sebastian didn't want me to go to work. It was bedtime and he just wanted me to lay with him. So he says
I don't want you to work. Why do you work so much?

me: I don't work that much. I work the 3 days. This week I am working one extra day.

cbash: why?

Me: to buy things for christmas.

cbash: oh (started crying)

He started crying very quietly. I touched his face in the dark room to find our for sure. I reassured him I would rather be there with him. Which I so would like to be.
So we talk about Christmas what he wants trying to pull out more than socks...
I eventually have to get up to leave for work. He is still crying.

I enjoy being a nurse. I really do. It allows me to actually spend more time with my kids then most. I am able to go to their functions etc. But my heart breaks leaving them at night to go to work. I know they are safe but I just feel better knowing I am there at home. Not very many of them still have nightmares or anything like that but I just WANT to be home. And when they get upset it makes it hard to go.
Every night on my way to work God and I talk. I started doing this when I was in nursing school. As a nurse there is a whole lot of things that can go wrong so praying makes me feel like there is another set of eyes with me. And it does truly help. Every night as I drive I want to turn around and go home to be with my kids.
So when I got this text message as cute as the last part was the harder it made it to walk into work tonight. Especially as charge nurse on a new floor I had butterflies. Even though I was working with the nurses and Tech's I always do.

I have been thinking about if I could do the days shift again. They are asking... There are just a lot of cons too. Less money, more drama, more stress, working weekend days. So yes that would make me home for bedtime but away after school. Hmmm I just don't know. Wish I could wave a magic wand and solve the problem.

I guess whoever was on the other line will be getting a slush!