Free agency

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing. One storm can come and blow it all away. BUILD IT ANYWAY! .... God is great but sometimes life ain't good. Sometimes when I pray it doesn't always turn out like it should. But I do it anyways..

 (words from song of Martina McBride)

In the last 72 hours I have seen one of the strongest people I know become this broken shell. It is so hard to understand how someone else's choices can make everything you know and love dissappear. Take that innocence from everyone who you love.

All my life I have learned about free agency. How god loves us but sometimes we have to journey through the trials due to the free agency of others. You try and tell yourself this when you see the bad in the world and pray for those effected. But to watch the world crash around people you love because of this can make you so stinkin mad.

I don't have time to be mad I don't have time or effort to hate that person. I am too busy trying to help find those I love  new reality. Helping them learn to find their new normal. Helping them to know that God hasn't left them. But instead is raising them up with angels all around them.

I spent 6 hours on the road the other day with lots of time to contemplate life. I spent many of those hours in prayer and tears for the frustration of not being able to fix this. I want to scream but instead I cry from the pain I can see and hear in everyone's eyes and faces. I know their is a God so big that given a chance he will heal this pain I am seeing. I know he will heal and give peace to all that need it. But in his time. I want to turn back time to less than a week ago when all my kids were in my home safe and happy. Only having their dreams of the future to think about. Now those dreams are still there but muddied by this chaos that has been brought to our lives.

I am determined that the one thing that this won't do is destroy who we are as a family. We won't let this bring the destruction that hate brings into our lives. But most of all this situation will not be leaving a trail of victims but one of survivors. When we make it through the other side we will see how much Heavenly Father loves us and is walking this path with us. I pray that I can find a way to lessen this heartache of those lives this person's decision has caused.

Now to keep repeating this every day until we are there.