I can do hard things.... right?

I can do hard things, Right? If you are like me I see this on Facebook or have people say it. But I think yeah sure I can do hard things. But maybe not before I completely lose it. Okay so I can do hard things, but how do I do it? Who is going to make me get out of bed when it would be easier to stay in it and ignore the day?  Oh yeah I am the adult! I have to just do it!

 I remember being in this same position when Cole went on his mission. Everything seemed ten times harder than it had just weeks or months before he left. Now with Malcolm gone I feel the same feelings. I keep repeating this to myself " You can do hard things." Then why does it seem the more I say this the harder things tend to get? 

I never heard how hard it is to parent grown children. At least they think they are grown but still have so much to learn. Even at the age of 17 and 18 I know everything mentality. Or I can figure out the solution even though it would be easier to get advice or have a listening ear. I will choose everyone but my mom to ask for advice. I appreciate the adults that are around to help influence my  kids lives for the better but there are times especially when I might have seen it with my older kids that advice might really be sending them in a direction that won't help or teach them about life just help them run from the problems. Can we go back to the toddler years when I can put them down for a nap and all will be good when they get up? 

Ever notice that when you are trying too hard to follow Christ the adversary works that much harder to pull you off path? I was reading an article yesterday from the Ensign that talked about how much the adversary works in our daily life especially when we are fervently trying to have family prayer, FHE, scripture study, going to church and fulfilling our callings. You feel the tension go from nothing to off the charts as we sit down for family dinner, game nights even just sitting around talking. It shifts I can't even explain it. The last month it has seemed to just reach a new high. 

It makes me just want to yell to leave us alone.. 

Yesterday as I was preparing for church I was having a particularly hard morning. Feeling depressed, struggling with the strife that was going on amongst myself and some of my kids. Just feeling my heart completely burdened. At one point I was feeling just so defeated. As I was leaving the house I prayed out loud before I walked out of the house. Please God just let someone understand the burdens I am feeling. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with it by myself. 

We were having Ward conference and in sacrament meeting the Stake President stood up and said " I had somethings come to my mind that I need to say. These were not what I planned on talking to you about but feel I need to talk about them. "  He preceded to talk about a few things then he says" I know some of you are feeling burdens in your heart. Know I feel your burdens. " How quick the Lord answered my prayer of just needing to know someone was listening to me.. he was hearing my prayers. The water works started at that point. 

I continued to look for whatever I could find to heal my heart. I read multiple church articles, read the scriptures and just prayed. Of course, as we were all just talking and enjoying the conversation. All of a sudden the whole feel in the room changed. The attitude changed and once again their was contension. Of course all those feelings I had in the morning came right back streaming in. I remembered an article I had read  (can't seem to remember which article or who it was) they talked about being in a situation and knowing the adversary was putting doubts and tempting to change the situation, He simply said " Go away satan" . 

I think it is time to hang a huge flashing light sign on the roof of my house....