We made a goal to finish the Book of Mormon before he left. We sat in the livingroom and finished the last 12 chapters. As I listened to all my kids read and especially Malcolm I realized what was really coming our way.
The silence will be deafening. Malcolm isn't always the loudest in my family but to listen to him laugh, play games, be on his computer talking to his cousin states away all of that is Malcolm noise.
Yeah sounds crazy. But over the years you realize each child brings a different spark to your household.
I just don't know what to do with all my emotions in my heart today. He leaves in 27 hours. Yes I have figured it out to the hours. Sending an older man cub off is different when you send an 18-19 year old off. He is quit independent, doesn't need his momma to help him get everything prepared for packing. He doesn't need me to go with him to Walmart to buy medicines etc. In fact this one doesn't think he needs anything like medication. lol
I spoke to a friend last night that reminded me just how hard it is yet wonderful to have a child out on a Mission. As she stood in my kitchen sharing stories about he 2 that she has out she began to tear up as she spoke about missing them but knowing it is exactly where they should be. I guess that is exactly where I am today. I already am starting to feel the heartache of not being able to hug him when I see him or have our talks. He really does know a lot for a 23 year old. He always keeps me on my toes about my outlook on life. He helps me to remember that I need to lean more on Heavenly father. He helps me to remember how far we have come as a family. I am sure going to miss this child of mine. More than I quite know what to do with right now. The idea of not hugging him for 2 years is a bit overwhelming.
I remember when Cole left and after he walked through security I wanted to yell for him to come back so I could hug him one more time. Just once. So I know how hard it is to let them go. Let them grow up. Let them go and trust Heavenly Father knows how I feel because he once did the same thing.
The journey of sending off another Missionary has taught me so many things the last few months. I have to remember to lean on God in the good and bad. To remember to allow our kids to grow and become who they are meant to be. Remember even if we don't think they are ready for this new adventure God will help us to see the truth. What an amazing feeling it is to see this truth come about.
When Malcolm spoke in church a week ago I saw exactly what I needed to see. I saw a man willing to put his life on hold like so many others to share his love for the Savior. I watched as my man child shared his faith and his experience in the gospel that helped him get to this point. I felt the love my Savior has for me that day as I sat and listened to Malcolm speak about his love for the Savior and trusting Heavenly Father.
What more can you ask for then to witness your children become this amazing person that has the desire to serve the Lord for the next 2 years. I will miss his laughter and hugs. I will miss having him sit across me at the dinner table carrying on the conversation of rational thinking with his siblings. I will miss the noise of him playing his games on his computer. But more than anything I will miss his example of faith he brings into our home.
I am okay with missing all these things. I am okay with this because of I know the Lord needs him more than I do, and more than his friends. I can't wait to see this amazing journey he has in front of him unfold.
Oh no fear tears will be shed. (already have been) But they won't all be sad tears they will be tears of joy that his journey led him to this place in life.
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