When we enter our trials it is said we don't realize the blessing we will see when we come out of it at the other end. I don't know if I am really at the end of this trial with my health but I can see the light at least and have started to see the blessing Heavenly Father has put in my life due to this illness.
The fast was a huge spiritual boost. I had been crying for days worried that what was on the report and what I saw was tumors that was a sign of more to come that could possibly take me away from my family. After the fast my fears were gone. It wasn't that I had answers. I just didn't have the fear. I just knew that no matter what was wrong that Heavenly Father would make sure my kids were taken care of. That even if my health wouldn't allow me to be around he would be for them. I quit crying I quit worrying. There was this peace in my home and within myself I couldn't explain. But I know my kids could tell. My appointment even was postponed due to issues out of my hands and I was okay.
News was good and bad. The tumors ended up being a type of birth defect that look like tumors on MRI but are Hemmangiomas and will always be there but shouldn't give me a problem. I do have residual issues from Lumbar puncture swelling in nerves causing bulging that will take steroid injections and hopefully will fix the problem. My back is getting worse pain wise but I can deal with it. My eyes go back and forth. They get better than get worse again. I got clearance to go back to work tomorrow. And not see the doctor till end of May but can tell I am having issues. I can feel it with my headache getting worse and my vision is changing again. I don't really like or trust this doctor I am going too. I may need to change doctors now that I am back and don't need to deal with short term disability stuff.
Anyways, Over the last several months with being home and slowing down to really watch and take notice to things I have been able to see the blessing the Lord is putting in place for our family. The night before the fast I went to the Women's broadcast and it was a strong testimony of going with the promptings of reading where I was feeling I needed to in the scriptures. I hate to admit it but I haven't been a very good daily scripture reader as far as personal study. I was always a hit and miss. This last 3 months has given me the opportunity to form that habit and shown me the love I have for reading the scriptures I never thought I had.
This is allowing me to be able to share that testimony with my children to help them form this habit before they are almost 40.
Between the financial strain and the stress of being sick I never thought I would be able to see the blessing so quickly. I am just so thankful that I am to see them now to help me build my testimony to be where I need to be for my kids.
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