Personal messages

Every once in a while I find a patient that I really connect with. Recently I have connected with a patient more than I have with any other before. I have only known her for a couple of months but she now feels like family.

Lillie recently started to really not feel well. I started to notice a decline last week after Mother's day. I knew she needed some blood work so I added several other test thinking that there was a bigger problem with her other than the test that was routine for her. Unfortunately, it didn't come back good. I got a call after calling doctor's Tuesday on Wednesday from her daughter. When I returned the call I found out she had been admitted to the hospital. I kept thinking I need to go see Lillie. I never could find time for it between promises to kids and work etc. Today I found out she had been moved to ICU. So I called her daughter and made arrangements to go see her.

When I walked in the room she simply said I knew you would come God knew I needed you and you needed me. I want to document somewhere the things she told me and the way it made me feel so that I have it for later when I need to hear it.
We had a long talk. She explained to me that on Wednesday she wanted to call me to tell me she was worse. But God told her that I couldn't deal with it right now and neither could her daughter. That she had to make that decision and leave it in his hands.She instead told her son to take her to the hospital. He didn't want to he wanted to wait for the doctors to call. I had gone to bed concerned about her knowing that in my heart I knew she needed to go. But other than that I couldn't just tell the doctor I know she needs to go. By the time she arrived at the hospital she had what she told me was a small stroke. They kept her in a regular room.

Lillie explained to me that was time God gave her to settle things with family and friends she needed to have closure with. She said as she dreamed she went to her sister-in -law and touch her hair. That day her sick sister-in-law insisted that Lillie needed her and she made it there to see her this last weekend. But as she left just barely getting on the elevator on Saturday as Lillie puts it she went and was with God.She said she always told her kids that they had to have faith if anything happen to her that God's will would be done and she would be back. She looked up at me and said and here I am. God knew I needed to see you. Lillie said she told God whatever it is whatever you will who ever I need to touch I am yours.

I watch and hold the hand of this very weak and frail lady. Someone over the months has become a close friend. Family. I tried so hard not to cry but I could feel the truth to what she was saying, the strength God was giving me that she was telling me. She spoke about how she knew that I was gaining strength and making choices that were going to be what my family needed and what was going to make me happy. They were choices God was happy with and she knew that he spoke to my heart to tell me to come at this moment. Right now in this room (ICU) where we could talk like we always do. Quiet with no one around. In a place where she could console me. Me? I thought I was there to help her. She told me things she felt she was to give me a message. She has loved my kids from day one. Never has she met them but through pictures and stories she now calls them her grandchildren.I of course the mess I am cried. After she told me how proud she was of me and the fact that I have fought to get out of what I was in and then give my family what they so needed and including in them the love of God. She told me that when she heard I was coming she knew her prayers were answered. Her husband asked if he should go get me something for everything I have done. She said no she needed to do it in person. She insisted that she wouldn't go until we could have the lunch we had talked about.

After she told me what was on her heart she looked at me and said I can't cry anymore everyone had been crying about her. And she said I am here. So she asked if they were tears of joy I was crying. I tried to explained to her how blessed I had been to meet her and that they were tears of joy over the things she had said and the fact that I could come and talk to her. She told me not to cry anymore. So I said a prayer in my head that I could not cry and give her what she needed. We continued to talk. She had messages for each one of my children. She talked about the closure she had the last several days.

As I watched the monitors and watched close her eyes every few minutes and pause. The reality of the finality of life hit me hard. She was so worried about me driving in the dark. But it was only 5:40.So the sun was still very much out. She would look at me and pause almost as though she was thinking about what to I needed to hear.
Her nurse came in and she introduced me the longest introduction I had heard. She told her how I was the one the first one to know because god spoke to my heart that something was wrong with her. I put this in motion for her being in the hospital. She went on about how my kids were her grandkids on a string and that I was her daughter not by blood but she loved me just as much and she knew we were kindred spirits.The nurse just smiled and said nice to meet you. Lillie finally said this is my nurse! What Lillie didn't know is that everyday when I pray I not only pray for my family and many other things but I pray that I will know the things my patient's need.

I could see the energy just draining from her as we talked. Her respiration's getting very very high the oxygen levels falling. I asked her if she was tired. She said no. But her body knew what she had to take of today and now that she had seen me it was done. She then just smiled and said see you knew that because God spoke to your heart.

Since I met Lillie I could see her love for God and those around her. From the very first visit she has hugged me and given me a kiss on my cheek when I left. She has the sweetest spirit. She hasn't always led an easy life with being widowed early to life struggles. I think that is where we connected was with some of our experiences.
I would go to visit with her when I didn't have to be anywhere so we could visit.
I have been very blessed to meet Lillie. Before I left she told me that she wouldn't make it to Malcolm's graduation but to buy him a flower. Don't hold her a seat but know that she was sitting with me there in my heart. But that she knew that God was going to let us have our dinner out before he called her home. I jokingly said can we wait a couple of years to complete it. She simply smiled and said we will see.

I wish I could express what I am feeling right now. I told her I would be back to see her and she said only come if it is something that will be easy for me. I know how lonely she is feeling yet she still is only thinking of others. I know she is right that we have people placed in our lives to help us with things we don't always realize we need help with. She is someone that has been a big part of my life the last couple of months and my kids. I am thankful that the lord has placed her in my life.

Do you wonder if God really does send people with messages?