I do a lot of driving for my job. When I say alot that is an understatement. I sometimes drive 1,000 miles a week. Yes really. But I have never hated driving. It is my sanctuary generally till you get the crazy people driving. Anyways, it allows me to have me time and just think, rock to music or catch up with someone on the phone.

The last couple of days have been very busy slightly crazy days. Today I took Malcolm to do the monitor because yesterday we ran out of time. There was a mix up with the change of insurance. Basicly just extra frustaration on what I had already been trying to figure out. And of course when I get frustrated I cry. The poor lady at the cardiology clinic. She like "mom it's ok we will work it out" Oh my gosh. Talk about embarrassment. So today after I took him back to band camp I was driving and thinking about how to best describe to someone how my life feels right now. I get this alot from friends or co workers and even strangers, I just don't know how you do it..Or how do you take care of everything by yourself. Dang, let see I know they are compliments but it tends to make me think about all the things I am not getting done. So the thought came to my mind. I am like a boxer needing to box 9 rounds to win and take a long much wanted vacation or have whatever my heart desires. So rounds start things are going good and the someone from the audience yells something I don't know anything and makes the other thning(or person) come at me harder. You take a couple of blows but the bell rings just in time. Or your in round 2 and the laundry buzzes just as you are in your grove and you have to call time out ( yeah I know there is no time outs ) So you change the laundry out do something else that comes up and go back into the ring.

Do you see where I am going. This is how it seems at time. There will be the breezy days when the round goes just my way. Or you have a hiccup and it's like someone says hey time for a new trial and here it comes again. Boxers train for this they are used to the blows and the hidden punches and they keep going even if it means a total knock out. Well, life has been so complicated for as long as I remember that my body, heart, and soul is used to it. So you just keep trucking. So today after my bad start I kept thinking about this and how my mom's friend when I was going up would say "this too shall pass". So in the back of my head I figure it will pass and I will see the blessings later. And believe me with all the crap that goes around in our lives I have seen blessings come out of some pretty difficult times. I have found friends in people if not thrown into situation I would never had met.

There is a couple I had the blessing of getting to know when I went to work at the college while I was trying to put myself through nursing school. But one stands out alot. Janet is old enough to be my mom yet no way does she act that age. She has the heart of gold. She is a country loving, harley riding woman. No lie she was maybe 5 ft. tall and had her own harley. That thing was so heavy how this little woman could hold it up I have no idea. She had such spunk and so much love she gave me and my kids.I worked with Janet at the college. She took me under her wing and gave me advice, listen to my heartache but just made me laugh when I didn't see anything to laugh for. Through all those hard years she was my blessing. After I graduated I kept in contact with her but the contact has been harder to do. She moved down to South Texas. Sold her house, Brand new Cadillac (her love), bought a jeep, and an RV and quit her job and went south to try out different work. She so deserved to take off. She hit her 9 rounds and beat it. Not saying that at the end of the 9 rounds we don't start over sometimes we just like the beatings.;)

So I keep telling my self that there are blessing the lord has for us and I just have to be patient to see them. Tonight I was on the phone with a friend and she said she wishes my kids fathers was in the picture more esp. for the boys. I told her how I was blessed because they had men in there lives who could help teach them what there father can't teach them whether active in their lives or not. I am so thankful for the blessing of having the priesthood and my boys being able to see good examples from my brother in laws and others. So yes one of those rounds was when I divorced and my kids lost there father. But God saw that they had the blessing put in there lives to replace the loss.

Ok I know I am rambling now. Just had to put out there what was going on in my head.I really had been planning on writing about watching Malcolm walk up to the band yesterday and the thoughts I had. So maybe tomorrow I can put that on her. Till then...