Random thoughts

I head back to work at the hospital tonight. UGh... Don't get me wrong I like being a nurse. I hate the idea of it taking me away from my kids at night.

Today we cleaned out the fridge, 2 pantries,(regular one and food storage) I still have more to place in the food storage pantry. I haven't been real good about rotating the food in there. So we checked dates and rotated everything. Malcolm helped with the food storage pantry, Cole did the freezer, Eve the fridge, Alex and Sebastian the pantry. I went between everyone and worked with them especially Alex and Sebastian. They didn't want my help though but it was such a big job. I couldn't resist.

Continue on Sunday evening.....
Well I worked last night in the ICU. That is really not ideal of working. I took care of cardiac patients there since they ran out of room in the rest of the hospital. I watched last night as they brought in a patient they called a rapid response on. The whole night with all the beeps, buzzers, alarms your heart just aches and jumps around. But this lady was still fairly young. At one point as you watch the team of doctors and nurses and everyone else work to try and get a blood pressure you say a prayer out loud for her family and the patient. As a nurse you find yourself praying alot.Maybe it is my faith that gets me through nights like that. I shouldn't say maybe. It is my faith that gets me through. My heart started feeling funny from the moment I walked through the ICU doors. It is set up alot like downtown where my Uncle was and passed. And then my Aunt was and thankfully pulled through. I don't know if it was that or just dealing with Malcolm's problems or finding out one of the women I work with in the hospital just had her 14 year old son brought to the hospital dead on arrival. Man what a night.

Life can be so crazy on what it deals us. I sat in Young Womens today listening to the lesson about blessings and talents. I sat in awe of the answers the girls gave on their blessings. They had a hard time with the talents. Why is that we are so easy to judge ourselves of not having any. Oh yeah what I was saying. These girls were thankful for their trials, the ability to overcome them,The savior and his atonement. Among other things. Man if I only had that when I was a teenager. It is amazing how strong our youth are and how hard the church works to making sure they are nurtured and grow in their testimonies. And how wonderful it is to watch these girls grow up and see them change.

I spoke with a nurse who works PRN in the hospital with me. She asked if I was interested in coming and working with her for the state. She works with the elderly going into facilities teaching and redeveloping new programs to enhance the lives and health of the elderly. The benefits are good as far as insurance, 401k, retirement. Come on you know retiring for the state is the best way to go right. But it is less money. It would mean still needing to work at the hospital more instead of being able to cut back on my hours. She seemed very interested in getting me to come over there. She is one of the boss ladies there. She is going to call me when she post the job.
I have been praying about being able to financially take care of my family and knowing where I need to be. Every time I head to work in the car I have a long conversation with the Lord. I know that seems bad not being on my knees but I started this back in Nursing school. I found in my car I get more silence and ability to ponder things than in my house with a million children around. One of the things I again asked for was the peace with my finances. To not have to stress so much or work so hard and be able to spend more time with my kids. Then I get there and midshift run into her and she tells me about the job. I have been so stressed with the paperwork load and the last minute calls from my job. And then the financial unknowing of whether it will go under. Maybe this is the answer. Praying I will go.
Off to do paperwork and dinner stuff and back to school for everyone tomorrow. I don't know if I am glad about that or not. It is back to 4:30 wake up calls etc.