As a mom you worry about your kids and making sure they grow to be strong enough to handle any situation they are challenged with. Well as a single mom I almost think you worry twice as much. You are trying to do the job of 2 parents. I am sure all of you know that my ex is far from being active in their lives. He has always come and gone even in our marriage to suit him and his life.
I have tried very hard over the years to not put a bad light on him. He does that well enough on his own. Well he usually comes in maybe once a year to try an act like a father. Sometimes not even that. Then if he happens to get serious with a girl you know he is coming to try a be perceived as a "good father". Well after a horrible incident last summer (2007) with the 3 younger kids and him taking them on vacation with a female that was not the one he had introduced the kids to that he was going to marry. Yeah confusing huh? Just think about it for the a 7,8, and 10 year old. I was furious Eve literally came home physically ill and my pediatrician said to NEVER let it happen again.Hmmm. How does that work. After that he quit coming around. Until June of this year so with out saying anything the kids first thought and mine is their is a girl. Sure enough. He was mad when the kids didn't want to go with him or they had other plans. For 15 years he has never kept a commitment with the kids.So they figure now that he won't do that now.
He decided this new girl needed to be introduced to the kids in July the week Malcolm was in the hospital and decided he wasn't going to tell the kids except Malcolm and Cole and sure enough wasn't going to tell me what was going on. The kids had other plans and didn't want to go. So of course I am the one he got mad at all of this was before I even knew the girl was in the picture. He harrassed the little ones by text about how awful I was to keep them from him and his new girlfriend even was that way with Malcolm who quickly told him to leave them alone.
Jump forward. No contact really since July other than the occasional seeing him at one of Cole's games. Which is a whole other story since He won't go see Malcolm perform. UGH>. Anyways, 2 weeks ago he mentioned something in passing at the game that he wanted to do something with the kids today since it was his weekend anyways....
He text me yesterday wanting to know who was going with him. Hmm I forgot he even had said anything. The conversation all by text continued and you know that gut mom feeling that something wasn't on the up and up... So I asked is your friend coming too? Yes.. Not a problem with me other than he was just going to spring it again.
I have tried to help my kids to be strong people but at the ages they are they can only be so strong and because of certain conversations they have had with me and among them I know that this situation concerns them. So of course it got ugly. I give up having an adult conversation with him. He was mad that next weekend is his weekend too and after he found out some of the kids weren't coming then he demanded his weekend. I told him the kids had other things scheduled. Yeah that went over well. I think he forgets that they are older and 2 of them are teenagers and 1 more will be in November.
I asked who wanted to go and Sebastian said he would if someone else went with him. Eve said she would if it meant she could go bowling... Alex said no.. You could tell something was wrong. I questioned him and he said he was scared. My heart broke.It is scary especially for a 9 year old to have to go and meet someone like that. Cole said no that he had too much to do for school and he does. Malcolm is at a band competition all day. So today came and as Eve and Sebastian got ready Alex decided he wanted to go so they could bowl. Then Cole heard and said he would go too. They all like to bowl and we just don't get to go very often. So I got them all ready and my in my heart I was a little sick to my stomach. As you watched them I don't know if they realized it but Eve was pacing the floor. Sebastian, Alex and Eve were worried about what they had on. MY ex tends to show his disapproval of the what they are wearing and has gone to extreme of telling them that if they look that way he won't take them anywhere and has had them change. Seriously...
So I helped them pick something out to make sure they were feeling confident on what they were wearing. And then Eve was still worried about the boys not looking nice enough. Hell lets let him buy some clothes for a while was in the back of my head. GEEZ...
I was going to watch Malcolm perform today and had to leave before they left. I felt horrible and gave them all hugs and kisses and told them to have fun. But as I was leaving Sebastian came up to me several times to get more hugs and kisses. But you could see in his face his fear and anxiety. I wish I could make this easier for them. They have been told and myself as of yesterday that he is planning on getting married to this girl and he will be moving to Utah.
He informed the kids back in July that this was going to happen and that he would be having them all summer in Utah. Hmmm lets see OVER MY DEAD BODY!!! Ok maybe that sounds bad but here is the history. Sebastian is now what 8 and half. He has spent the night over there maybe 4 times total. The last time I went to pick him up in the middle of the night because he was scared of his dad.Maybe I am wrong for thinking on fighting him on this. I hope he gets married and is happy but in some ways I hope he leaves and forgets about the kids visiting. His relationship is so unhealthy with them and they feel so pulled when they are with him. (lots of bad talking about me)I want my kids to be happy I want them to grow up to be healthy happy well adjusted kids. As a mom and knowing what went on already I can't forget history and wonder if my kids will be in the same spot they were 6-8 years ago. It took so long to get them to understand that Dad's aren't suppose to act or behave the way he does. That they are good kids and I love them no matter what. That my boys won't automatically turn out to be like him.
Alot of how they deal with life is a direct response to do everything to not be like him. My heart really aches that I was the one stupid, naive enough to get involved with him in the first place and then took way to long to get out of the situation.
After I left I prayed so hard that everything will be ok today and they will be comfortable in this new situation. But it is like sitting on pins and needles waiting to have them come home so I can check and make sure they are ok.
I couldn't even stand to stay at the contest I just couldn't quit worrying about them. I know without a doubt the Lord will watch over them but as a mom I hate when My hands are tied to keep them from getting hurt.
Sorry I know this is long and probably a little on the personal side. As I use this as a history of my family/journal I felt I needed to put it out there so maybe I could rest before working an all night shift tonight.
If you look at the picture up top it was taken in 2002. This is how I still see them sometimes especially in situations like this. We tend to not be a serious family. But this time in our lives was very difficult. They all look happy but I remember their heartaches and don't want to return to that time. I guess I truly do have to just put it in God's hands and trust everyone will be ok.
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